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Uncertainty

He still dreamt about it sometimes.

 

It was conceivable, that as the new captain of the Enterprise, that he’d have little time to mull over curious happenings that had nothing to do with his duties, but all bets were off when he finally got his few hours of rest between his shifts.  During the day, it stayed as a nearly forgotten thought at the back of his mind, but when he slept, he felt and saw everything as clearly as he did on that fateful day on Delta Vega, the day that he had met Spock Prime.

 

He felt as though it was a fateful day rather than one of random chance, because had he not met the other, he probably would be dead, and he certainly would not be the captain of the Enterprise.  He regretted what he had to say to the Spock of his time to become the captain, but he knew he never would have done it if desperate times had not called for desperate measures.

 

The other always regarded him very respectfully and politely, but the warmth he felt when his other crewmates spoke with him seemed to be missing.  Yes, he knew that this Spock put his faith in him, and could be depended on in dire situations, but he wanted more.  He wanted that easy way of interaction with Spock that he shared with the rest of his crew, he wanted that feeling of friendship.

 

In the mind meld he shared with Spock Prime, he didn’t only share the feelings of pain the Vulcan felt over his inability to save Romulus and over seeing his own planet thoughtlessly destroyed, there were other feelings that he was sure were inadvertently passed over as well. 

 

Spock Prime had told him that he and his counterpart of the Vulcan’s time were close friends, inseparable.  This blew his mind, since it was Spock that had marooned him on Delta Vega in the first place.  But the feelings that had transferred over, in addition to the intended memories Spock Prime wanted to share with him, made him believe that friendship could be possible.

 

The respect and downright fondness that Spock Prime had for the other couldn’t have been fabricated just for his sake.  From the impressions he got from the mind meld, lying was impossible.  Your mind is laid bare for the other to see, and, for just a moment, your minds are one.  All of it had to be genuine, and all the emotions were deep seated.  How was it that his counterpart and Spock Prime could have developed such a close relationship if they were as different as he and the Spock of his time?

 

That was a question that had no easy answer, but he had a suspicion that it was through these differences that the two of them were able to mesh so well.  Perhaps he and Spock weren’t as different as he thought.  Maybe if the both of them tried less to butt heads and more to understand where they each were coming from, they could take the steps to building the kind of relationship he sensed from Spock Prime.

 

Since he wasn’t a sappy type usually, it was difficult to admit to himself that those feelings imposed on him by Spock Prime made him wish for a relationship like that.  One filled with nothing but trust and a sense of camaraderie that was not easily matched.  After thinking and dreaming about the memories that weren’t his, he figured the thing to do was to try his best to make it happen.  He didn’t believe in no win scenarios, after all.

 

He would see this through or his name just wasn’t James Tiberius Kirk.

 

 

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