Story inspired by 2 quotes found on Pinterest
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“You are so loved, darling.” Jim held Spock close to him as they lay together, after both of them had completed their shifts on the Bridge, and it was now Ship-Board night, where they would only be called on by night-shift in an emergency.
Spock leant on Jim quietly, and his tears fell silently. ”I love you more than I have ever found a way to say it to you.” Spock managed to speak, and convey love along their bond.
“I know. Don’t you worry that I don’t, because I do.” Jim promised.
Spock looked to Jim, and kissed him with his fingers; putting them to Jim’s lips.
“I know I can’t heal anything much, if at all, by reminding you that you’re loved. I might be making things worse.” Jim considered.
“Do you feel that from me? Is that how I feel? If so; I’m sorry. I don’t want to be feeling like that.” Spock assured Jim Kirk, as he settled his head ‘back’ against Jim’s chest.
“No, sweetheart. That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry for confusing you.” Jim emphasised; trying to open up his thoughts further, so that Spock might realise what he meant.
“And, I am sorry, too. Sorry for so much, to so many.” Spock promised.
“No blame can, or should, be laid at your door, Spock.” Jim affirmed. “You did nothing wrong. Every bit of it was Nero’s fault. Even in his grief; he knew right as well as wrong; he decided not to listen, and to act heinously.”
“I did not do enough right.” Spock spoke harshly, more to himself than Jim. He focussed on the first half of what Jim had just said.
“Yes, you did. We both know that so much about that day was not within our control – and, I know that makes life then, and now, scary. All I can say is that I love you, and I’m not the only one who does; people know that you did all that you could. You haven’t lost anyone’s love. I know it feels like your Mom’s love is so far away, and I wish I could bring her back to you; but when I say you haven’t lost anyone’s love and high regard, I’m talking about the love of other members of your family, and other Vulcans. There are Vulcans out there, who know that you did all that you could, and they are grateful for it – I promise you that. They do realise that you gave all your efforts to helping people survive, and, in that, you have their loving gratitude.”
“My efforts have never been enough. It’s never been enough for them. Never.” Spock pulled himself closer to Jim. “And even if this were enough, I would go back if I knew a way to do so without risking even more large scale destruction. I would stop Nero if I could, and live without the love and limited acceptance of other Vulcans, just to stop the death of Vulcan, its people, and my mother.”
All Jim could do was take Spock into his arms. “You are enough. You are far more than just enough; you save people and give them your all. Me included. You’ve saved me more than once, in more than one way; Knowing your love helps me so much, Spock. You are so much more than enough. You’re amazing, because you are, and you give, so much good, into the Universes, and into your love. I know how much, and how deeply you love me, Ashaya. I can feel your love through our bond, and even if I was psi null tomorrow, and I suddenly couldn’t feel this awesome connection that we have, I’d still know of the breadth and depth of your love, because you do so much for me, and, added to that, you’ve let me have the wonderful privilege of getting to know you. So, I can see the love in your eyes, and realise fully, every effort you make.” Jim stroked the back of Spock’s head, slipping his fingers through that beautiful Vulcan hair, using one of his gentle hands to do so, while he held Spock, the soul most precious to him in all the worlds, in his arms; resting his other hand in the small of Spock’s back, touching him so tenderly. “I know how much you love me, and I love you just as much as you love me.” Jim gradually removed his hand from Spock’s hair, and then, trailing his hand on Spock’s skin, so that the touch didn’t break as its position changed; Jim Kirk carefully lifted Spock’s chin, so that they looked into each other’s eyes. “Listen to me, and feel every bit of my love for you, Spock. Please, listen to my love.”
Spock reached forward, and leant his body, and his lips, to Jim’s. “I do, T’hy’la. I do.” He promised this now; as he would, forever. No matter what might happen to one, or both, of them, (and all the thoughts that went with that one scared him), Spock knew that Jim’s love would resound in his Vulcan-Human soul – his Katra- Forever.