But what is love
But the binding of
Two souls ~
And setting free.
Fear not my friend ~
I love thee
He awakened sweating, feeling as if the were lying on a bed of coals. As he slowly opened his eyes he saw his lover standing before T’Pau, and Sarek, and several other elder Vulcans he did not know. The black Vulcan robes and the heat shimmer gave Spock the ethereal quality of a dream spirit. His whole being was suffused with warmth and love and he didn’t bother to listen to the words being spoken around him.
“Thou hast committed a grievous crime,” T’Pau said, and he found his attention riveted to the conversation.
“It is so … I have no defense … I bow to thy justice, T’Pau.”
“As it was in the time of the beginning, so it shall be now. Thou Spock Xtmprsqzndtwlfb, shall pay for thy crime against the Human, James Kirk, by submitting to tal shaya. It shall be done in the place of thy ancestors as the sun rises tomorrow.”
NO! T’Pau! Sarek! … Spoooock! No. He tried to scream but no sound escaped his lips.
“Father? … I have no … right … to ask, but …”
“My son, it is my duty to do this. As I helped thee into life, so I will help thee leave it.”
“What of my mother? Will she understand? What of your part in this? I will not allow thee to …”
“She will understand, better than most, why I do this, Spock.”
As Jim Kirk continued to scream within his mind, continued to try to reach is friend, Spock bowed his head to his father and turned to be escorted from the courtyard by two peace forcers.
Sarek moved to kneel in front of Spock as he knelt in front of the obelisk of his ancestors. Both were dressed in plain black robes. Kirk could not see either of their faces, but he suddenly realized that he could once again feel the bond with Spock.
My son. Spock … realize that I do not condemn thee, and I do this to ease thy way and to be sure that thy passage is painless.
Father, I am aware of this and I thank thee … no, do not at this point fall back on logic … Tell my mother that I understand love. Father … I do not know what drove me to this … I love James Kirk … why … why would I force myself upon him? I was not in the plak tow …
Spock, do not agitate yourself, it will only make it more difficult … for both of us.
I must tell you these things so that you can explain it to McCoy or to Jim … mother, I need to talk to mother, she could explain … forgive.
There is no need to forgive. Your mother can explain many things that I do not understand.
Father I have one request to ask of thee. Will thou watch over James Kirk for me and if you can, explain to him that I loved him and meant him no harm.
Yes, Spock … my son … it is time. As Sarek finished his thought he moved to rise and stand behind Spock.
Kirk tried frantically to reach Spock through the bond as Sarek placed his hand on Spock’s neck. He felt more mind-blind than he ever had in his life. His mind screamed, ‘Spock, no, I love you, no’ again and again to no avail.
As the red rays of the Vulcan suns flowed over the surrounding ring of standing stones, Sarek moved his hand in the prescribed manner. As the first rays caught in Spock’s hair and threw off an auburn glimmer, he fell forward onto his face. As a red flow filled the arena of the ancestors of the Xtmprsqzndtwlfb clan, Sarek fell to his knees and James Kirk felt half of his soul torn from him. Mercifully, he lost consciousness.
“Ambassador, why did you wait so long to call me? Has he been this way since … for the whole week?”
“To protect James from the bond that Spock had forced upon him, he was shielded by three of our strongest Healers during the entire time of the trial and execution.” Sarek paused and turned from the doctor. “It is not unusual, or so our records show, that the victim of this severance should remain in trance for two or three days. I called for you as soon as I realized that James’ reaction was quite different.”
“Of course it was different; he loved Spock. How was he supposed to react to the murder of his friend, by jumping up and down and shouting for joy?”
“Perhaps, Doctor. To have the mental intimacy of a full bond forced upon you without consent is not a pleasant experience.”
“How do you know that it was without consent? Did anyone bother to ask Jim?”
“No, he was placed under the protection of the Healers, at Spock’s request, within an hour of their arrival on Vulcan.”
“Damn fool Vulcan!” McCoy muttered and then continued, “Did Spock ever ask Jim if he were consenting? Obviously not. Ambassador … Sarek, Jim was in love with Spock, with all that entails in a Human. There’s nothing I can do for him. He’s going to die too, because he doesn’t want to live without Spock. Oh, damn, damn.”
Kirk was aware of Sarek grimacing in pain as he fell to his knees. He could not understand how he was aware.
“Spock? James? Have we … I … done this to you?”
“Sarek … Ambassador …”
“Forgive …” Sarek breathed as he collapsed.
Before McCoy could react Amanda ran into the room, he face wet and puffy from a week of tears. She knelt quickly by Sarek, pushing McCoy’s proffered hypo away.
“That is useless, Doctor. Sarek, oh Sarek … wait for me my love.”
Kirk was aware of the Lady Amanda falling across her husband and Dr. McCoy turning away to the sunset and then he too, flowed into blackness.
Jim Kirk felt someone shaking him roughly, which was patently impossible since he was dead and no longer tied to his physical body. He fought the return of sensation. If Spock was dead, he didn’t want to be alive.
“Captain … Captain … Jim!!”
“Spock … you’re alive!” Jim spoke as he bolted upright and into the arms of his First Officer.
“Indeed, Captain. How else would I have heard you moaning so loudly? Although it was loud enough to be heard by me in the corridor, I hardly think the volume was enough to ‘raise the dead’.” Spock made no move to disentangle himself as he spoke.
“Boy* that was some dream I just had.” Kirk blushed as he pulled back. He did not miss the look of resignation that glinted momentarily in Spock’s eyes. Perhaps the dream had been a forewarning from his subconscious? He might make a fool of himself, but he couldn’t take the chance of the dream becoming reality. He slowly leaned forward and ran his hand down the smooth planes of the Vulcan face. When his fingers rested on the slightly-parted lips he spoke.
“Spock, it may be that what I experienced was just a dream, and if that is so and you don’t feel the way I do, please try to pass this off as a human idiosyncrasy. If you can’t respond, I want you to realize that I will never push it.” He paused to take a deep and shuddering breath. “Spock of Vulcan I love you. I want you in all ways, I need you in all ways … if you would have me I would bond with you freely and with joy.”
Kirk sat motionless, hardly breathing, watching Spock’s face with close scrutiny. He thought he would burst when Spock grinned at him and he knew that he had been absolutely right when he whispered ‘yes’ and drew him into his arms.