(Alternate) Being In Love - The Intensity of T'hy'la
"You couldn't abide the thought!" Jim's voice resounded in his office, as Spock stood opposite him, still dressed in black, still so recently back from his attempt at Kolinahr. "You left because we met a creature who wanted to see love, who wanted to see Beauty through the eyes of the beholder - and that creature saw that, somewhere, within our psyche - our love. Our connection." Jim paused, but didn't stop there. "You couldn't cope when it confessed to us, in front of not that many people, just Bones, Sulu, Uhura, and a two man Security team, of Yates and Green," He could recall the two security men as he spoke of them. "that someone had heard of your true feelings. My true feelings, too, Spock. They were mine as well." Jim spat out his next words. "They -Are-Mine." He admitted.
"It is not that I did not share those feelings, nor is it that I was anymore embarrassed than you were, at being outed in front of colleagues, who might, in unknown circumstances, 'tell on us', and it was not that I did not wish to live with my feelings, as you were prepared to try to; It was simply, or not so simply, that I feared, Jim. I feared that I could not live alongside my feelings, as I would be expected to - because I wanted to live with them so much that I would have wanted us to live by them. I could not see a way forward that did not let someone down, maybe more than one person." Spock confided.
Jim stared at Spock, and, after what seemed, to Jim especially, like a long while, he found his desk seat behind him, and sat down.
"I realise that the one person I particularly let down, was you." Spock noted. "And, seeing as you are the one I love, do not imagine that it was easy for me to live with the fact that I chose to let you down in this manner. I just could not see that I might not let down Starfleet's people; those it works with; those it protects - and, that I might not fail in my efforts to be Vulcan, if I were to say to you the words - I want to try and be with you, Jim, my T'hy'la. I thought that, by admitting that, I would still be letting you down, at some point, just in a different way. We were a team brought together by Starfleet, and Duty." Spock explained. "We still are."
"Yes." Jim agreed quietly.
"Yet, we are so much more." Spock noted. "So very much more."
Jim looked up from his desk, to Spock.
"I still love you, too, Jim." Spock told him.
Jim wanted to smile. He did, sort of. He cried, silently, too.
Spock got up, rounded the desk. And knelt before Jim, who moved swivelled his chair to face him.
Spock then took Jim's hands in his, and he gently kissed Jim's fingers with the O'zhesta.
"What does this mean?" Jim wasn't speaking of the kiss; he knew what that meant. He just knew. Of course. He was talking of Spock's intent; that he could not read quite so much, because he did not trust his own emotions were not clouding his judgement.
"I believe that we should try to let ourselves be together, at last. I do not think I have weakened, and I will not end up resenting you. I 'just' truly believe that we can try this now." He paused, still holding Jim's hands so gently. "Do you?"
Jim stared at Spock. Stared, and tried not to 'dissolve' completely. Jim Kirk did not cry. Not like this. "Yes." He said, very definitely, despite emotion undeniably cracking through his voice. "Yes, Spock. I do!" By now, he'd gotten on the floor, and knelt up with Spock, clasping and caressing his hands with the O'zhesta. He then moved in, and they did something (else) they'd waited a lifetime to do. They kissed one another on the lips. They found no embarrassment. Hunger for more, yes. Love that they did not doubt (nor should they ever have; they'd known that, separately, for years now), yes. -they found that. Passion. Belonging. Truthfulness. Genuineness. Peace. Yes. All of that.
Their first kiss was not their last, and kissing joined them more and more - in mind. In and by their bodies. Throughout their souls. Such intensity was, and always would be, the intensity of T'hy'la.
The End..? 17th/18th March 2015