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The word “shit” evidently has multiple meanings, of which I was previously unaware, until I met our new captain.

It can mean, “It’s not good, but Kaidth, what is, is.”

Or, it can mean, “We are going to have to do something about this and that is inconvenient.”

It can also mean, “I am really very, very, embarrassed and it is all my fault.”

It can mean, “I did not mean to do that to you, sorry to offend your cultural sensibilities.”

And now I have discovered several new meanings, just tonight.  (Apparently, humans require that their shipmates become friends, and part of the ritual of our new captain becoming friends with his new crew involves becoming inebriated with alcohol in their company).  So, the new meanings are:

“I spilt my drink.”

“I am falling over now because I am drunk.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t have fed you that chocolate liqueur.”

“The crew really shouldn’t be seeing us like this.”

“I thought your door was a metre that way.”

“My head is bleeding where I hit it on the wall.” (I check him.  It is a minor scratch.)

 “What did I just break?”

“The room is spinning.”

I take the time to categorise all these meanings for Jim’s favourite expletive, as well as I am able in my apparently inebriated state.  Jim, who is sitting on my bed looking as though he has vertigo, wonders out loud what I am thinking and I tell him.  He laughs and laughs, then pulls me down to sit beside him and asks if I would like to know how many ways he can do “fuck”.  Which means, I assume, that he is going to demonstrate to me how many ways he can use another colourful metaphor.

At least, I think that’s what he means.  He leans in close to explain….

Oh, shit.


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