Spock eyed his handiwork, finally satisfied with the image he had been modifying for over forty-five minutes now. It had taken longer to justify his actions than it had to go through with them. Only six months ago he had reached full maturation as an adult Vulcan, and as a half-human hybrid, Spock was only just now learning exactly what kind of restraint was necessary to combat the results.
Of course, his Vulcan peers would not see his recent activities as a bastion of logic and should they ever come to discover them, he would no doubt be ostracized and publicly exiled as his brother, Sybok, was all those years ago. Still, Spock reasoned that they also have no applicable knowledge of the dichotomy he struggled with on a daily basis. Besides, Spock’s means of ‘venting’ as human’s said was completely secure and anonymous.
Through the Enterprise’s social networking forum, he could operate and indulge the prurient interests of his human libido anonymously and without the risk of personal or professional reproach. With that security in place, Spock took one last look at his latest form of sexual expression and breathed a sigh of relief. He knew this was no replacement for physical relief, but because his physical needs were not something which could be met easily, it did provide a measure of contentment. At least this way, he could envision his desires even if he could never fully experience them. Sight, for now, would have to suffice.
Spock opened the browser and logged on to his pseudo profile, pulling up his favorite group on which to post his latest variety of works. It was a group which operated anonymously and ‘secretly.’ One could only gain access by befriending someone else in the group. The Vulcan had infiltrated it easily enough, though honestly by mistake, when he posed as a sex deprived human male under a profile separate from his original one to perform a scientific study of human reaction by starting a thread in the general forum titled:
“Fellatio Needed, Please Proceed to Blow Me”
Apparently, one of the users had though his particular wording amusing and had, in fact, stated that it ‘sounded like something a Vulcan would say, if Vulcans said those kinds of things.’ He was then summarily invited to this group, where he was allowed to post all manner of content, including that which was considered pornographic. His photo manipulations and weekly ‘Caption This!’ threads were among the forum’s most popular. He was not oblivious to the reasons, for there apparently was not a crewman or woman who did not desire to the see the Captain naked. Moreover, the feedback regarding the manipulations he had posted over the past six weeks indicated a preference for viewing the Captain’s likeliness engaged various sexual positions with a likeliness of Spock himself.
Of course, that was Spock’s preference as well. He was not certain if Jim had yet seen the pictures, if anyone had shared them, but Spock’s Vulcan ears had certainly heard murmurs of it among the crew in his labs and various other parts of the ship. No one was careless enough, however, to utter so much as an undertone in Kirk’s presence, and that was just as well, considering he had no intention of discontinuing any time soon. Spock’s fantasies, until he’d found this rather benign outlet, had been taking a dire, unrelenting turn toward the unthinkable.
A mere three weeks and seven point four days following his Pon Farr, Spock had been made painfully aware of his attraction to his Captain during one of their customary evening chess games. Jim had magnificent hands, he had noticed. Of course, he had seen the man’s hands on multiple occasions throughout their acquaintance, had felt them on his arms in times of crisis, but on that particular evening, for no logical reason, he had begun to notice them in a context of sexual origin.
Vulcan hands were erogenous zones of immeasurable importance. They were the points through which minds united, containing a vastly larger amount of sensory receptors and nerve endings than that of most species. As he watched Jim maneuver his Knight into a position that would endanger Spock’s queen, the Vulcan had found himself wondering how the slide of the human’s warm skin would feel against the tips of his digits and there the desire pooled and caught him unaware.
The need to touch Jim, to see this desire realized had become so intense over the following weeks that the Vulcan had feared reentering the Pon Farr, or worse, offending his Captain and destroying the deepest connection he had to another living being. He had needed an outlet for the many unstoppable images which barraged his mind on an hourly basis. That is when Sulu had launched the Enterprise’s first Social Networking Intranet Website. Spock, charged with approving the application, had been attracted to its many features and deemed it an acceptable outlet for crew recreation. He had been doing the required weekly moderation inspections when had come across a forum dedicated to “The Art of Photo Manipulation.”
Inspiration had never been so quick to strike a living being, of this the Vulcan was certain. He found himself creating an anonymous profile and digging for further insight. It had all ‘been downhill from there’ he supposed, as many of his online associates often declared when describing how they became involved in the practice of ‘manniping.’
Spock returned his focus to the task at hand. He believed this photo would be judged as equal parts humorous and arousing, and was looking forward to the suggested captions. It was an actual still of the bridge, taken from the security film, of himself, James and Doctor McCoy, having a discussion just after a taxing mission. He had to confess that the expressions worn by all of them fit perfectly with the alterations he had made. This was another benefit of socializing in these forums: gaining a greater sense and understanding of human expression and how to interpret them.
Spock posted the ‘mannip’ under the heading:
“Another Mission Gone Positively Awry. Was it Space Pollen or a Powerful Aphrodisiac? You Decide. Caption This!”
He would return to check the submitted comments once his shift had concluded.
“Mr. Chekov,” Kirk’s tone brokered censure, “Would you like to share what you’re reading with the rest of the class?”
The navigator’s face drained of all color as he turned worried brown eyes to the Captain. Good, Jim thought, annoyed. The entire bridge had been acting suspicious all afternoon, and he was beginning to get the impression he was the only person on the ship not in on the joke.
“No sir,” Chekov replied, his back ramrod straight and his disposition now a perfect model of Starfleet professionalism and respect.
“Then I suggest you keep the giggling to a minimum and find something worthwhile to do,” Jim suggested, “like implementing those console upgrades forwarded to you by Sciences an hour ago.”
The Ensign blushed. Normally, Jim wouldn’t vocally insist on changes or upgrades being made immediately, but he was frustrated by the awkward glances he had received that day over many a personnel shoulders and Chekov’s incessantly shaking back, a result of bottled laughter, was only serving to increase the edginess of his mood.
“Yes, Sir,” the Russian hastily agreed. “Right avay, Sir.”
Jim nodded the young man’s dismissal and watched him turn back to his station, properly checked. It was then, from the corner of his eye, that he noticed Uhura whip her head back to her station, as if she hadn’t just been staring at…his waist?? What the hell has gotten into everyone lately?
He heard the lift doors open behind him and felt instantly relieved as he swiveled to meet the arrival of his First Officer, “Mr. Spock,” he smiled warmly in greeting. “Your duties in the lab finished early?”
“Indeed, Sir,” the Vulcan intoned in response, the edges of his eyes softened with what Jim had come to recognize, or perhaps imagine, as
affection, “I thought it would prudent to see if you would be amenable to discussing ship’s affairs over lunch?”
Jim’s shoulders relaxed at the thought, and he smiled broadly, “Sounds amenable alright—more than.” He bounded from his chair, Lieutenant Sulu, “You have the conn.”
With that, they were in the lift walking through the doors of the mess within minutes. “So, when can I expect you back on the bridge in the mornings?” Jim inquired, trying not to sound as desperate as he felt to have the Vulcan greeting him from the Science Station every morning when he reported for duty.
“I expect that my regular rotation will resume within three point eight days, once the period of testing for Engineer Scott’s proposed upgrades are complete,” Spock replied, handing Jim a tray.
Kirk smiled to himself sadly at the feeling of longing that washed over him at such an innocuous gesture. Spock’s courteous and at times solicitous behavior—a natural element of the Vulcan’s unique personality—often times made him feel like the object of courtship, regardless of how illogical,’ to quote a friend, the notion was.
“That’s good to hear,” he forced an enthused lilt to his voice. “Things have been…unusual without you there to provide me with…information.” Damn, that was lame.
Spock faced him, his eyebrows raised in question, “Has Ensign Patterson performed inadequately in my stead?”
“No, no,” Jim shook his head emphatically,” it’s just…” What was it exactly? The Ensign had more than proved herself capable of manning Spock’s station, but…damn.
“Nevermind, Mr. Spock, it’s nothing—”Jim’s attention was caught by a sight he could not immediately process. That couldn’t be a picture of what he thought it was…could it?“What the hell is--!”
Jim was tossing his tray of salad in the recycler and crossed to a nearby table of Engineering and Security Ensigns in three determined strides. His hand swiped the offending PADD from the table.
“I didn’t do it, Captain!” Ensign Rogers immediately began denying. It was posted there anonymously, Sir. I don’t know who—”
He glared at the table, noticed the empty trays. Obviously they had all decided to linger there after eating to discuss what was on the PADD.
“Back to your stations, all of you!” he barked the ordered. They scurried from the mess in a panicked flurry.
Jim was left to gape at the image that had caught his eye. It was a picture of himself in the center seat, Bones on the right, Spock on the left, both of them looking down at him while he was obviously cracking a joke about something. It was obviously a stilled imaged lifted from the ship’s security system but that wasn’t the kicker. There, obscene and obviously digitally inserted into the photo, was a naked erect penis, artistically positioned to look as if he had whipped it out on the bridge for everyone to see.
Even more astounding was the heading above it: “Caption This!” it said. And people had…several people in fact, captioned it. Jim read through them, his face heating and pulse quickening as he did. He was so engrossed with the captions he had failed to realize Spock come up behind him to peer over his shoulder. He muttered some of them under his breath as he read the quite lengthy and vulgar comment thread.
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ManniperExtraordinaire: Please post your captions in a comment below.
BiddyBits: “Captain, is that a phaser in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
StarryNight: OMS!! Look at the size of that thing!! Do you think it’s really that big???
EngineerMinion: Spock look likes SUPER impressed!! Doctor McCoy looks surly as usual L LOL!!
*VOW: McCoy: Captain there are rumors that some practical joker reprogrammed the replicators to substitute Viagra for trail mix---oh, I see you heard about that!
Kirk: Yes, I thought so too--
Spock: I had not realized that curtains did not always come paired with a set of drapes.
Kirk: Well, now...
McCoy: As usual, Spock, your powers of observation are flawless *eye roll*
Mrs.Spiff: Set Phasers to STUN!!
StarryNight: With a piece like that, it’s more like Kill!
SinisterBucket: God, could you imagine…
“Captain?” Spock’s voice broke Jim’s single-minded focus away from the increasingly vulgar comments.
“Have you seen this?” Jim turned to face his First, holding the PADD out for the Vulcan’s inspection. He was regarded with a stern eyebrow hike. “Of course you haven’t, I’m sorry. But can you believe this? What kind of group is this? I thought you were moderating this social networking business.”
“I have been moderating, Captain,” Spock intoned, regarding the image with his head canted slightly the right.
Jim snatched back the PADD. The fact that image of the giant cock wasn’t actually that far off from the real thing made it a bit unsettling to see the image under Spock’s close scrutiny. “Did this escape your radar somehow?” He asked peevishly. Kirk had known something was up with the crew, he just hadn’t realized it was his cock…or well, the likeness of it anyway.
Spock regarded him stoically, “Captain, the group under which this photo manipulation was posted is marked as secret. Only members of the group may post to and view the particular forum’s content.”
“So?” Kirk griped, “What does that have to do with this. Why can’t you find out who is responsible and shut them down—”
Before he could really begin his rant, his First Officer interjected, “Captain, the social networking website was created for the purpose of providing the crew with a method through which to ‘unwind’ as you would say.
“The End User License Agreement clearly states that each users’ privacy is to be protected, and the content which they post, so long as it does violate any regulations pertaining to what is constituted as legal behavior in accordance with federation law and the other rules set forth by the website, is considered protected and cannot be used against the poster for legal action.
“Because this photo manipulation is exactly that, Captain—an obvious manipulation—and because you are considered a public figure under the guidelines of Federation law, the image is considered, I believe the expression is ‘fair game.’”
“Fair game?” Jim repeated, his voice deceptively calm.
“Indeed,” The Vulcan replied, handing the Captain a new tray of food. “Neither of us have yet eaten, Captain, and there is only twenty point four minutes remaining until such a time as must report to the bridge.”
“Right,” Jim agreed his mind still whirling but somewhat calmed by Spock’s unchanged demeanor after having seen the image. He wondered…if Spock saw the real thing would he still be so unflappable? Then his brows furrowed as he considered something else entirely—just how many of these so-called manipulation were out there, and did any more of them involve myself?