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Story Notes:

Silly little story written as I sit here in the States at 1:50 am wide awake.

Author's Chapter Notes:

I may write a second part of this, it may be smutty, it may just be more Crack. It may be fluff...

That One Time in Starfleet Academy

Crack!fic Fluff

Disclaimer: Don't Own it, Can't afford it.


Ever since Spock and Jim announced their romantic relationship Bones had been fearing the moment Spock would burst into his quarters and begin choking him. Normally, this fear of becoming the fodder from a normally passive half-Vulcan's rage would be irrational and illogical. However, when it came to Jim all bets were off for Mr. Spock and his logic.


Bones spent the first week after their announcement to senior crew in a constant state of paranoia. That state was magnified after their shore leave to Rigel, where he witnessed the normally arrogantly controlled hobogoblin nerve pinch a guy for just hitting on Jim. After that Bones retired for the night with a bottle of Rigelian whiskey.


Exactly one week later Bones was in his office finishing up reports when Jim walked in.


“Hey Bones,” Jim said leaning against the door frame. Bones looked up at him and sighed.


“Jim,” he greeted, distantly.


Jim frowned unable to to figure out what space bug burrowed up Bones ass lately. Ever since he got together with Spock, Bones had stopped their once a week “therapy” session that consisted of illegal drinks and good conversation. He had stopped eating dinner with the crew. He was rarely on the bridge unless there was a medical emergency. He even stopped goading Spock!


Jim was determined to find out what was going on. Was he sick? If he was Jim knew he'd demand that Bones stay aboard the Enterprise for treatment. It could be something with his ex-bitch of a wife, he mused. Bones looked up at Jim briefly and focused back on his work.


“What are you doing here? I thought you'd be holed up with your hobgoblin tonight,” he said, wincing when he realized how derisive his tone came across. He rolled his eyes when Jim flushed.

Jim sat down in front of Bones desk and looked at him as if he was some petulant diplomat he was trying to sign into the Federation.


Was he jealous of his relationship with Spock? Jim pondered silently as Bones shifted uncomfortably in his chair. If that was the case Jim was ready to kick his ass. One, because he had ample time before Spock came along to confess his love for Jim and Two, if it was fear of losing him as a friend, well that was ridiculous. Regardless of what they did that one time in Starfleet Academy they were best-friends for life. At least that's what Jim thought.


“Computer close and lock door,” Jim said in full Kirk mode. Bones jumped up awkwardly nearly knocking all his Padd's off the table.


“Damn it Jim! We shouldn't be in here with the door locked!” Bones walked to the door and Jim jumped out of his seat grabbing his shoulders. He shook Bones.


“What the Fuck, Man! Why are you being such a prick to me lately!” He asked and let go of Bones shoulders. “What did I do?”


Bones looked at the floor rubbing the back of his neck with his hand, “I don't know what you're talking about!”


He turned back to his desk and Jim followed shaking his head.


“It's been three weeks, Bones, every time I try to hang out with you, you have given me a cold shoulder!”


“I'm a doctor Jim, not a God damn source of entertainment! I have work,” Bones said, looking at his friend in the eyes for the first time in a while. He noticed Jim's weigh loss and the nest of crows feet marring his eyes. “Besides, you look like shit, you should get some sleep. I have a hypo-”


“Bullshit, Bones, you have no more work than any of us. There's been no medical emergencies, not one passenger has been sick in a month. What gives?”


“You think keeping all these people healthy is easy?” Bones argued and Jim rolled his eyes.


“Your deflecting! I should know, I'm the Captain of Deflection. Just tell me what fucking gives?”


Bones quietly walked to his desk and sat down with a loud sigh, “I'm fine Jim, just busy.”


Frustrated Jim shook his head, “Fine, be an asshole. I'm done trying to talk with you.”

Jim stormed to the door giving a command to unlock it.


Bones was about to let him leave when he felt a strong wave of guilt, “Wait Jim, wait. Sit down” he said pointing to his chair. Jim folded his arms in front of his chest and sighed not budging from the door.


“Jim if you want me to share you are going to have to take a seat,” he conjoled and Jim stomped to the chair and sat down.


“Go ahead,” Jim commanded gaining him a glare.


“We had sex,” he said and Jim looked towards the ceiling.


“Years ago, Len, and drunkenly at that,” Jim shook his head remembering that unfortunate piss poor performance.


“Does Spock know?”


“No, as we agreed to never speak of it again afterwards I didn't think it was prudent to share.”


“He's your partner now-”


“If I told him in detail about every sexual partner I ever had, we would never complete another mission the list is that fucking long. So no, I didn't tell him about what went on between us that one night oh so long ago. Besides, you were the one that said it was and I quote: 'A one time thing that would never be discussed again.' So why are we discussing it now?” Jim asked, as gently as possible, yet trying not to panic.


Bones grinned at Jim's anxious look, “I do not want to confess my undying love for you, if that's what your thinking, you arrogant peacock! I just want to know how safe I am around your new boyfriend.”


“Spock's a Vulcan, he deplores violence besides, it's not like there's actually anything going on between us,” Jim shrugged. Bones nodded, slowly and walked towards his desk. He picked up a Padd and scrolled through it.


“Since you two have been together Spock has nerve pinch at least two people,” he announced.


“He only nerve pinched that Andorian delegate on Rigel. It was a simple misunderstanding-”


“Yeah his rampant hobgoblin jealousy! That Andorian delegate propositioned you three times during Shore Leave. You were to busy basking in his flattery to notice the way your half Vulcan boyfriend growled twice when that little Andorian twink touched your hand,” Bones yelled.


“So he's a little possessive-” Jim leaned back in his chair until the two front legs hovered off the floor. He smiled, remebering how hot the sex was between him and Spock that night. He will never hear the word “Mine” again without becoming instantly hard.


“The second time he nerve pinched someone-”


“He did not nerve pinch that Ensign, he just removed him from my person.”


“Explain that to Ensign Kesban who subsequently passed out straight after he was removed from your person and then woke up with one helluva headache and a sore neck!”


“He was drunk and passed out. He landed wrong."


“He kissed you under the mistletoe during the Holiday Party and got nerve pinched.” Bones tossed the Padd on his desk and crossed his arms. He gave Jim a pointed look and Jim set his chair back on the ground.


“You are my best-friend, Bones! I don't want to lose you because of something stupid we did years ago!”


“Then you need to tell him,” Bones finally sat down in his chair and opened his bottom drawer. He took out two glasses and a bottle of Bourbon. “Here's some good old fashion liquid courage.”




When Jim arrived back at his quarters he wasn't surprised to find Spock there quietly working on a Padd. He walked over to him, stopping at his desk.


Jim smiled, “You know, you can work in your own quarters, Mr. Spock.”


“If  I am intruding Captain, I can leave.” Spock said, with a note in his voice that told Jim he had no intention of leaving.


Spock put the padd down and stood up. He pulled Jim closer to him and then kissed him passionately and deeply. Their tongues rubbed against each others and Spock gently pulled away.


“You were with the doctor,” Spock announced and Jim suddenly looked stricken.


He couldn't have read my mind that fast? Could he? He thought in a panic.


“You taste of bourbon,” he continued and Jim relaxed.


“If it bothers you, I can go brush,” Jim offered and Spock kissed him again.


“I find your taste extremely... acceptable,” Spock said, his lips only slightly parted from his and blood rushed straight to Jim's groin.


Spock led him to the couch and pushed him so that he was sitting. He then straddled his thighs. Jim groaned when Spock's weight settled in his lap. Spock began nibbling on his neck...


Suddenly, everything was wrong. Jim thought of how he missed his friendship with Bones. Then he felt guilty for not telling Spock about Bones as soon as they confessed their love for one another. The weight of guilt was choking him, just as Spock was whispering very naughty Vulcan things in his ear.


“God help me!” He whispered with a groan. “Spock stop,” he said. Spock stopped immediately, raising an inquistive eyebrow as he removed himself from Jim's lap and sat besides him on the couch.


“Is there something wrong?” he asked and Jim shook his head.


“Nothing you were doing just now was wrong. I just-” He took a breath and ran his hands over his face.


“I need to share something with you, but I want to you to know that this took place way before you and I actually knew each other.”


Jim stared at Spock trying to read his face. Finally Spock touched his knee and bade him to continue.


“One Christmas Eve, when I was a first year cadet in Starfleet, Bones and I, well we were lonely. I had just gotten the boot from a cadet I was dating in the science department and Bones had just been told he was not allowed to see his daughter for the holidays as he had planned. We were roommates, we decided to go out on the town. We got overly drunk on Alderian Whiskey. We ended up sleeping together.” Jim finished and took a much needed breath.


“As in you slept together, or as in you made love to each other, please be precise,” Spock asked.


“As in we fucked, poorly, drunkenly, unsatisfactorily. Then we passed out,” Jim said honestly and

Spock sat back.


“I didn't initially tell you because it was that one time, and Bones and I had agreed to never speak about it again.”


“ So it did not happen again?”


“No of course not. When we woke up the next day we decided that we make better friends than lovers and then swore never to tell anyone about what happened.”


“Do you have any feelings other than friendship? And does he for you?”


“No, I love you Spock. And I know Bones is definitely not in love with me.”


“Then there's no matter of concern.” Spock said and Jim smiled and sighed.


“That's what I told Bones tonight, he was concerned you were going to nerve pinch him or something. I told him he was being ridiculous.” Jim laughed and Spock eyes grew dark.


“As I can not lie, I do wholely intend to nerve pinch him the next time I am within his company,” Spock said simply and Jim choked his eyes going wide.


“Whaa-” Jim said and Spock climbed back into Jim's lap. He ran his hands down his face and shoulders.


“We have been a couple for three weeks, two days, and six hours, neither you, nor the Doctor felt it was appropiate to let me know about your past indiscretion when there was ample time for you to do so.”


“But baby, do you really want a list of everyone I ever slept with?” Jim whined and Spock shook his head.


“Unfortunately, there is only four years and six months left of our mission. We would not have enough time to get through that list-”


“Hey-” Jim took offense.


“However, I consider the Doctor a friend, though if you divulge that information to him, I will be forced to deny it with impunity. He is also the only member of this ship, besides myself, that you spend the most time with. The fact that you two spent three weeks harboring this secret from me, makes me draw the logical conclusions that either one of you still has feelings for the other or that neither of you trust me enough to respond in a logical manner.”


“So your logical response is to nerve pinch Bones?” Now Jim's eyebrow was raised.


“My actions regarding this matter will be completely illogical, but as you know, sometimes I give into my illogical half human tendencies.” Spock bit Jim's neck, making him hiss:


“Fuck yeah you do!” Jim squeezed his ass with both hands.


“I also must apologize in advance,” Spock said, in Jim's ear.




“For cutting this night short, and for making you believe I was only planning on nerve pinching the doctor,” he said and then firmly nerve pinched his ashaya who collapsed on the couch.

Spock kissed his forehead and then removed himself from Jim. He arranged Jim so he would wake up comfortably and the covered him with the throw blanket so he wouldn't be chilled during the night.


“Goodnight beloved.” he said as he walked out.




An hour after Jim left, Bones was in his office reading a file when Spock barged in. Bones stood with both his hands up defensively.


“Years ago, Spock, it was way before you!” He stammered, retreating from Spock.


“I recognize that you harbor no romantic feelings for Jim. My delivery of the nerve pinch is for lying to me for the last few weeks.” he said calmly walking toward him.


“Me! ME! I tried to get that little idiot you're in love with to tell you!”


“Yet we have corresponded 105 times since the announcement of my and Jim's involvement, exactly 25% of those correspondences were personal. During those times you decided not to share,” Spock said and Bones stopped running.


“I didn't think it was my place?” he said, the excuse sounded lame to even his own ears.


“Were you or were you not one of the participants in the event in question?”


“Yes, but--” Bones sighed. “Oh okay, hell, do it! Just get it over with already!”


Spock nerve pinched the Doctor and he collapsed in his arms. Spock gently put the doctor on a bio bed and covered him with a blanket.


Spock went to Chapel who blushed from his attention, “If there is a medical emergency you will have to revive Dr. McCoy.”


“Oo-kay” Christine said confused.


As Spock left sick bay, he allowed the corners of his mouth to upturn in the smallest of smiles.








Chapter End Notes:

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! I don't have a beta, so don't be a Grinch!


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