When I meet him

For the first time

My hands, my fingers

Tingle

Itch

And tremble

I need

To touch

So immediate

This burn

I hide them

Clasp them behind my back

So he won’t see

So he won’t know

If I am to serve on this ship

Can my Captain

Doubt my control?

I am Vulcan

I am in control

I will not falter

He

will rely

on me

I will not

fail

him

time passes, he grows impatient with me

“Dammit, Spock, at ease already!”

Late

In my room

Before the flame

I practice control

Visualize those eyes,

That tameless hair

Those

Lips

Confident now

I force arms and hands

To hang tensionless

Most of the time

But still

Beside him

in reach

I casually

Behind my back

Clasp together

My hands