Kirk eyed Spock's towering pillar of green jade and sighed.
"Spock, what the hell are we supposed to do with all that jade,
there's barely room enough room in our quarters as it is!"
The Vulcan raised an eyebrow and looked significantly at
the twin, creamy-white globes laid on the bed for his
inspection and appreciation. "The gemstone is a vital
component in my latest research project. I intend to
use it to contruct a duodinetic field core, and I feel
contrained to point out that there would be ample space
if you had not purchased those two er... artifacts."
"Hey, that's a pair of genuine antique Aldeberan astrolobes..."
Spock, however, was undeterred. He pointed an accusing
finger at the rose-brown organ that stood so proudly, as
though imploring the attention that was its due. "And what
is more," he said sternly, "you cannot even play that
"At least I didn't waste two whole years pay endowing a
blasted breeding programme for donkeys!"
Suddenly, impossibly, Spock looked hurt. "Jim, I thought
you understood. The Ascem programme is one of the
latest hopes of saving endangered species such as the High
Firm Ass, the Small Tight Ass and the Generous
Ass -- without the work of the Ascem Institute, these
harmless useful creatures might well become extinct."
"Yeah, but you might have asked me before you spent my
pay as well!"
Spock felt a twinge of conscience. The conscience in
Vulcans is a small organ situated immediately under the
diaphragm, and one of the reasons for the high ethical
standard of the race is that a tender conscience can give its
owner terrible gas. It was true, he had spent his lover's
remuneration for the next two standard years. He had not
even left Jim enough to purchase the lollipops which were
his secret vice. Now he would have nothing on a stick he
could lave in his off-duty moments, nothing he could thrust into
the moist, welcoming cavern between those two luscious labial
surfaces. He hanged his head.
Looking round, Kirk caught sight of the bent, glossy, black cap
and all anger fled. He went up to Spock and twined his arms
round his neck, drawing his head down for a kiss, tasting once
again the familiar flavour of alien spice.
He tipped his head back and glared up at his lover.
"Spock," he growled, "have you been eating that Denebian