An exploration of a planet, they had been on thousands before. And all of them even the ones that had become bad had ended as well as they could. The ones where creatures or natives they had not expected attacked ended as well as they could, all of them. Every singal one up until this one. Why was this one so different? Why did this one have to end so differently? Why? It was a good one, no creatures had attacked them. But one stupid mistake, one thing that should never have happened ended the life of somebody. A person special to the Enterprise crew, special to the Enterprise herself, special to Starfleet. And anybody that you asked would be hard pressed to figure out a reason for this. James T Kirk sat there staring over the cliff that had caused it all. He had slipped and almost fell to his death, but somebody stepped in front of him at the last second pushing him back and falling themselves. Bones had went running as fast as he could down to the bottom as Jim sat there in shock. Bones had known they were dead before he even ran down, but he had refused to except it until he saw for himself. Bones had checked and re-checked for a pulse five times before saying what everyone already knew.
"He's dead" he said. His eyes never leaving the face, even as he stood and stumbled a few steps away only to fall back to the ground. McCoy put his head in his hands and pressed the heals of his palms to his eyes trying to stop the tears. He was a doctor damn it not an infant. Why did he have tears in his eyes now? He had seen so many die right in front of him and never cried. Yes he had felt bad, angry, and a lot of other emotions over peoples deaths but he had never cried. So why was this death any different then all the others?
Kirk stood and went running down the cliff to the bottom after the momentary shock had dissipated. He ran stumbling over rocks and his own feet in his haste to get to the bottom falling a few times but he got right back up. He ignored the two members of the security crew and the rest of the landing party as he ran. Ignored their pleas for him to be careful, he didn’t care what happened to him. Jim fall to his knees beside the body and grabbed one of the hands resting his forehead against it. He shook his head as the tears he had tried to repress fell from his eyes.
"Spock?" he whispered but the body did not move, the man did not respond just like he had known it wouldn’t. Spock was dead, the best first officer in all of Starfleet was dead. He had gave his own life to save that of Jim's.
"How logical was that Spock?" he asked but recieved no reply, not that he had been expecting one. "Tell me, where’s the logic in dying to save somebody else?" he added, his voice now it's normal tone. "Where was your beloved logic when you gave your life for mine?" he sobbed, closing his eyes tightly. "How is this logical in any way?" he added dropping the hand that he held. "Spock" Jim said laying his head on the strong chest of his former half Vulcan first officer, his lover, his t'hy'la. He sat there and cried for Spock as the other members of the landing party stood and watched. Spock had never really shown much affection for Jim outside of their shared corridors, but everyone on the ship knew of their relationship. They had known even before they had started sharing quarters.
"Captain, we have to beam back up, it will be dark soon and the tempeture drops below zero on the planet, we won’t last if we stay any longer," one of the security members said and Jim nodded knowing that he was right. Once they were beamed aboard the ship Scotty just stared in shock, he offered no words in his shock. The other occupant of the room was much the same way. Jim didn’t wait for them to get over the shock and say anything, he knew the first thing they would do was ask what happened and he had no desire to answer that.
Instead he ran from the transporter room and to his own quarters. Members of the crew jumpping out of his way along the way. Once he was inside the safety of his own corrdiers he told the computer to lock the door under his voice command. Then he walked to the bed and collapsed on it curling himself into a ball on his side and wrappinsg his arms around himself as he cried. He knew that if Spock was there he would call him an emotional human and tell him that there was no logic in crying over the dead because it would not bring them back. But Spock wasn’t there and he couldn’t help himself. Yes he was an emotional human, but Spock had said he wouldn’t change that even if he could because it was part of what made him James Kirk. So Jim let himself cry until it and the events of the day eventually pulled him into a restless sleep.