Star Trek: In That Moment

After the Losses

He knew now why he could love her and no one else. She would go on forever. She, with her hardened hull, steel deck plates, and powerful engine, would go on forever until one or the other of them destroyed each other. He knew that she would never leave him, and he would stay with her until the last whisper of antimatter bled from her core and the last dilithium crystal burned out. She had saved him time and again when he and his crew were a thin inch from death, and he had dedicated his life to protecting her.

But now there was another, and he felt the guilt gnaw at his belly.

Spock reached out and traced a single fingertip down the back of Kirk’s neck. He could feel the tension in the other’s body through that simple touch, and he knew its source. He reached out, wrapping his arms around Kirk, and brought him in close. In his mind, he heard the barest of resistant whimpers before Kirk gave in to the inevitable and sank into his embrace.

It was always like this after days when lives had been lost. He turned back to her, the one that he could not lose, when he had lost more than he thought he could bear. The last thing he wanted was to be reminded that he loved another, and that that other could be lost as well. But Spock gave him little choice. His own existence had become much too dependent on Kirk to allow him to draw away, and so, he was patient. He healed what he could of the wounds left by those losses suffered and waited patiently while time healed the rest.