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Author's Chapter Notes:

Can be read as either TOS or XI.

Written for [info]slashthedrabble's Prompt #259: Mess.

 

Jim couldn’t help the small smile that graced his face as he took in Spock’s still form curled up against him, half sprawled on top of him. He ran his fingers through the Vulcan’s hair, musing it out of its normal perfection. Jim loved how wild it made Spock look and how Spock would never complain about Jim’s fascination in seeing him so unkempt.

Even after all these years, after everything they’d been through together, after everything Jim had put Spock through in his blindness to see what was right in front of him, Jim was still in disbelief over how much trust his long time friend and now lover had in him. He’d seen Spock sleep many times before they’d become lovers, but Spock had never let himself relax, always holding himself straight and still.

But from their first night together, Jim felt blessed that Spock would give up that rigid control for him, would let himself relax and take what he needed for once, knowing that Jim would not judge him or love him any less for his perceived weakness. Jim would admit now that he had been blind, or at least in denial. The endless stream of men and women into his bed were just hollow substitutes for the real thing, for something that he hadn’t even known he was seeking, for something that had always been within his grasp.

Jim had never allowed himself to think about the possibilities, knowing that doing so was just asking for pain. But that didn’t stop the dreams that haunted him during the long, lonely hours of ship night. Reality had been so far away from anything Jim had imagined. Color Jim surprised when it was Spock that came to him in his darkest hours, when the deaths, and lies, and pain became too much, when he’d considered the unimaginable.

It was Spock that had held him as he raved, Spock that rocked him when he cried, and again Spock that kissed him, grounded him when Jim had felt himself slipping. Jim may have been a genius, but when it came to matters of the heart, particularly his own, he was as dumb as they came. But at that first kiss Jim had finally understood, finally known what the big deal was. He was in love and loved in return. He’d found the home that he’d been unknowingly searching for.

Lost in his thoughts, Jim jumped as Spock spoke his name.

“Jim.”

Feeling guilty for waking him, Jimruefully met Spock’s brilliant eyes, but relaxed he saw the laughter shining in them.

Spock leans forward and placed a light kiss on his lips. “It is late. You should be sleeping. What has kept you up?”

Jim smiled softly. “Just thinking about how I’m the luckiest man in the world to have you.”

Spock’s cheeks flushed slightly as he snuggled closer. “And I you. Now sleep.”

Jim did as he was told, losing himself in dreams that now paled in comparison to reality.

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