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Author's Chapter Notes:

I wrote this at 2 in the morning.

I seem to have a thing for Deathfics. I cried while writing this.

My next fic will be cheerful, I promise.



Don't own Star Trek


They're going to make it.

Kirk can feel the slight tingling sensation when one is being beamed.

They'll be safe in a minute. They'll soon be on board the Enterprise where nothing bad ever happens.

Suddenly, a phaser shot is fired.

Kirk is back in the transporter room and turns just in time to see Spock crumble to the floor.

His heart stops and then overcompensates by beating so fast and so hard, that he is afraid that it may break through his ribcage.

He is by Spock's side and on his knees in an instant.

He turns the Vulcan over onto his back and tries to ignore the significantly large puddle of green blood that covers the floor.

It's a neck wound and no matter how much pressure he places on it, the blood just keeps draining from his First Officer's body.

Kirk feels a hand on his cheek and his gaze snaps to Spock's face. Determined brown eyes meet his.

He is being pulled closer to the pale face until he can feel the uneven breath puffing against his ear.


No sooner has the word been spoken, that he hears a hand thuds to the ground.

Spock is dead.

With that one word, a word that his soul knows but his mind does not understand, he can't help but feel that something within him has been set free and then crushed and killed. Killed before it really had a chance to shine.

Kirk stares at the pale Vulcan face as he becomes aware the emptiness slowly growing within him.

He is suddenly all too aware that Spock took something with him when he died and Kirk has a feeling that it may have been everything that was good in the world. Everything that made sense.


This single word uncaged his soul, only to have it torn in half when it gained it's freedom.

A hand on his shoulder startles him out of his thoughts.

He looks up to find his friend and CMO standing next to his kneeling form, with sympathetic eyes shining with unshed tears.

“He's dead, Jim.”

Kirk looks back down at the man that he never got the chance to love, but on some level loved his whole life.

“So am I.”


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