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Author's Chapter Notes:

Author's Notes:

I haven't written any fanfiction since I was 15 and that was 11 years ago.

I am having trouble with the spacing (Stupid editor doesnt save my document after I edit it!)

Constructive criticism always welcome.

This has not been beta'd.

I do not own Star Trek.



A heart has stopped beating.

Not his... not yet.

It is my own, or at least that is what I believe this feeling is. I have never been good at identifying feelings. I never had a reason to until I met him.

Red is everywhere. It is on the ground, on my hands, and seeping out of a wound that will not close, no matter how much I illogically will it to.

I need to look away from the red that displeases me and so my gaze moves to his handsome face. There is no red on his face and for that I am thankful.

Blue eyes greet me.

I cannot help but stare at them as I realise that blue is a far more pleasing colour than red. Distracted as I am by those beautiful eyes, it takes me a moment to realise that the light, that has always been present in those eyes, is fading.

My stare gains a harder edge to it as I voicelessly dare him to bring that light back.

Jim has never backed down from a dare.

"I can't Spock."

I notice that red now covers his pale lips as I wait for him to elaborate. He does not and I really did not expect him to.

That does not mean that I have to accept what he is saying.

I grasp his hand tightly in mine and squeeze it firmly. My gaze travels down to our entwined hands to ensure the physical connection is solid. To ensure that he is still here with me.

"Thy'la you must..."

I do not get the chance to finish because my head has snapped up to confirm what my whole being already knows.

He is gone.

He was gone the moment my eyes left his.

I find it... unpleasant that the first time I speak the name that my katra had labelled him the moment of our first meeting, he did not get the chance to hear it.

He left without understanding what he was to me.


As I hold his lifeless body to my own, I realise that I was mistaken in my earlier diagnosis. My heart did not stop beating as I had originally thought.

It has simply... shattered.

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