Subject: Draft press release that I’m being forced to write against my will and better judgment.
Time send: 4/1/2262 19:31:21
A certain Admiral, that I despise in connection with certain morons in the Starfleet Press Office, have decided it would be best if you or I released an official statement addressing the fact neither of us is as straight as everyone assumed us to be. Not that they actually worded the request that way, but we all know that's what they meant. Apparently ‘no comment’ and the more diplomatic version of 'none of your damn business’ was no longer pacifying the masses or those vultures who call themselves journalists. I really don’t want to issue a formal statement because, as I have maintained for our entire relationship, it’s none of their business who I sleep with. It’s definitely none of their business who I choose to love. They can all go fuck themselves for all I care, but I can't say that in an official statement.
I guess I should have thought of that before I proposed to you live on the air. I thought by going public we would have fewer problems with invasive reporters, not more. I really don't want to hear your version of I told you so.
Unfortunately, if we don’t release some sort of statement Starfleet will probably do it anyway with or without our permission, so I might as well help write it. At least that’s what Jane told me when I talked to her about wedding plans earlier today via deep space IM. She said it would be a good idea to put out an official statement, so we don’t have to deal with Barbara Sawyer trying to find out the name of the boy I made out with in eighth grade that resulted in me getting expelled. I really don't want her figuring out that you were my surrogate father's ex boyfriend now that he is publicly out of the closet. I don't want to deal with Oedipus complex comments.
Jane also believes giving some sort of official statement will lessen the likelihood of Barbara Sawyer, or any of her other colleagues from chasing us down with cameras at the wedding. Honestly, I really don’t want the press there to capture the insanity of the entire affair. I just hope nobody gets arrested at this thing. I personally don’t see the press leaving us alone even if I do throw the reporters a bone. Jane is the professional even if she is still unemployed. I trust her judgment more than anyone else besides you.
Personally, I think this may be some backhanded plan on her husband’s part to get her to agree to be the new Starfleet Press Secretary. Again, like that is going to happen. She would last a week before she bawled someone out on camera.
Because the situation concerns you, I think it is best if you read my statement before I send it off to Starfleet. I actually wrote this draft myself because I hated the version of the statement that the press office sent me to sign off on. Their statement was absolute bullshit and there was no way I was signing off on that. If something is supposed to come from me, shouldn’t it sound like something I actually wrote? I know what I wrote is about 500 words too long but I was pissed off and I needed to vent. The PADD was just there and is a good listener but not as good as you.
I think I cut out most of the cursing from my first draft, but you may want to double check. Did I mention how much I absolutely despise doing press statements. There are several things I rather be doing right now than wasting time writing a press statement that I don’t even want to release in the first place. Several of these activities involve you, our quarters, various food items, silk scarves, and no clothing. Anyway, tell me what you think.
Draft Statement to the press
I have spent my life in the public eye since the moment I was born in an escape pod in the neutral zone. There is probably archive footage of a certain reporter changing my diaper at a Kelvin memorial event. With sparkling blue eyes and a sorrowful story, I instantly became Starfleet’s poster boy so we didn’t have to think about why Starfleet didn’t dedicate more resources to catching the ship responsible for my father’s death. Maybe if they did my fiancée would be able to show me the place where he grew up in person. Maybe if that were the case, the six billion lives lost during the destruction of Vulcan would still be here.
Commander Spock being one of the first human Vulcan hybrids, as well as, being the child of a high-ranking Vulcan diplomat, encountered a similar situation growing up. The majority of our lives have been an open book due to the public’s supposed right to know. We have accepted that to a certain extent.
When I became the captain of Enterprise in addition to my obligation to my crew to keep them safe, I became a role model to young people throughout the Federation. The same was expected of Commander Spock. Considering some of the stupid things I’ve done in the past, I wonder if that was such a good idea. The commander is a much better role model for your children than I could ever be. However, despite my personal reservations, I once again accepted being Starfleet poster boy and all that entailed because I knew this was something I needed to do. However, I did not expect my personal life to become fodder for the gossip Queens and pseudo journalists who keep the people blind to the real problems in the Federation with the trivial. Do we really need to concern ourselves with stories about which celebrity is sleeping with which other celebrity, whose entering rehab this week, and what ridiculous outfit so and so wore to last night’s celebrity suck up event/award show? I think we as a society have more important things to worry about than who I happen to be sleeping with. My personal life is just that, personal. As long as whom I’m sleeping with does not affect my ability to lead my crew, then it is no one’s business but mine and my partner. Not once have I put Commander Spock’s well being above that of the crew as a whole or the needs of the Federation. I will always put the needs of Enterprise, her crew, and Starfleet before my own personal desires.
Yet at the same time, I see a double standard at play. Not once have I seen Admiral Barnett or those in a similar station ask questions about their sex lives during the middle of a press conference about foreign assistance to a perspective federation ally or some other issue that we should really care about. This is probably the first time in Starfleet history that a captain has had to release a statement regarding their personal life that did not involve some major scandal involving pedophilia, infidelity, or abuse of their position to gain sexual favors. I think me marrying a male Vulcan is nowhere in the same league. Yet, due to the public’s supposed right to know, I am writing this press release when I could be doing captain things. (Comment KirkJT: I was originally going to say doing my fiancée but Jane would kill me if I gave her husband a heart attack. She already blames me for the grey hair.)
Some may argue that I and by extension Commander Spock deliberately misled or lied to the public due to some of the statements we made in the past. I never lied and neither did Commander Spock. It’s not my fault you’re still under the misconception that Vulcans only have sex every seven years.
If you didn’t know that I was in a relationship with my first officer for nearly three years before our engagement you obviously don’t know me. Those who have a right to know knew all along. I had no idea that it was part of my duties as captain of Enterprise to send out a press release regarding whom I sleep with or that I am not as heterosexual as everyone assumed me to be. It is 2262. Does it really matter anymore?
Some in the press have argued that I kept my relationship with Commander Spock a secret because I was either ashamed of him or of my orientation. Nothing could be further from the truth. If I was ashamed of my relationship with Commander Spock, I would never have proposed to him during a live new stream going out to most of the federation. Outside of a life or death situation, I have never concealed my orientation. If you were unaware of it, than you obviously don’t know me well enough to see beyond stereotypes and conjecture.
Others in the press have speculated that I kept my non-heterosexualness a secret for the sake of professional advancement. If that were the case, I think we as a society should be more worried about a system that puts more credence on who somebody is sleeping with than their skills and abilities. If you look past the smoke screen of celebrity gossip, maybe you’ll see what is really going on.
For those of you more worried about me being a good role model to your children, I personally think I’m a much better role model now than I was three years ago. The most important thing any young person can learn from me is to be yourself and not care how others perceive you. They are not worth your time if all they do is make you feel worthless because you are not who they want you to be.
(Comment KirkJT: The original version of that statement was "The most important thing any young person can learn from me is to be yourself. If anyone else has a problem with that, they can get fucked. They're not worth your time if they can’t appreciate the uniqueness of you." I knew that wasn't going to survive the clearance process, so I rewrote it. I hate bureaucracy.)