Jim and Spock had been together for almost six months. While they didn’t flaunt it, they didn’t hide it, either. The entire crew knew about their relationship, and (with the exception of one disappointed Chief Nurse), they were cool with it. Even McCoy had accepted the fact. But he just couldn’t stop teasing.
Jim was really beginning to hate McCoy. Almost every morning, he managed to sidle up to Jim and Spock at breakfast and make some tactless comment about what “you two” had done the previous evening—and Jim knew Bones wasn’t talking about chess. Jim was seething.
“If he says one more word, I’m going to drag him into the conference room and chew him a new one,” Jim fumed one morning as he and Spock were getting dressed for the day.
Spock finished pulling on his boots, stood, and wrapped Jim in a hug. “Do not worry, t’hy’la,” Spock said reassuringly. “It does not matter.”
“But it’s unprofessional as hell, and I don’t like him embarrassing you,” Jim replied, returning the hug.
“Ashaya, Vulcans do not get embarrassed.” Spock thought for a moment. “I would not want this to damage your friendship with the doctor. If he says something more, would you let me deal with it?”
“Sure,” Jim answered, surprised. He wondered just what Spock had in mind.
Sure enough, as soon as they sat down in the officer’s mess, McCoy strolled in. He got a tray of food and sat down across from Jim and Spock.
“Good morning,” he said cheerfully.
“So,” a long pause, “what were you boys up to last night?”
Jim opened his mouth, but true to his word, Spock dealt with it.
“We studied and recreated the illustration on page 58 of our copy of the Kama Sutra,” the Vulcan announced calmly. “It is a difficult position, but fortunately, Jim is quite limber, and since my penis is 4.6 centimeters longer than the average human organ, I was able to easily reach his…”
“SPOCK!” Bones was turning purple. Jim was staring in utter disbelief.
“We hope to move on to page 59,” Spock continued blithely, “however, before we can do so, we will have to enlist Mr. Scott’s assistance in crafting a—what is it called, Jim?—oh, yes, a Chinese basket…”
McCoy left at a run. Jim laughed until he had a coughing fit. Spock went back to eating his oatmeal.
“As I said, t’hy’la,” he noted, “Vulcans do not get embarrassed."
But they do get even.