Humans were….odd. Spock knew that, and he tried to make allowances, especially since he worked with them and was now (in love) with one. He never spoke that phrase aloud, but he knew it was true.
However, that did not change the fact that they were odd. Even their language was strange. Just when Spock was certain he had mastered every nuance of Human Standard, out would pop another phrase that meant absolutely nothing. He had heard the latest one today, while eating his lunch. Normally, he would have paid no attention to Chekov and Sulu’s quiet, cheerful chatter from the other side of the room, but when he caught both his name and Jim’s, he had to ‘tune in’ (that was one Standard phrase he did understand). However, Sulu’s words this time made no sense. Spock checked the computer banks, but he couldn’t find that phrase. He considered asking Nyota for help, but he disliked bothering her for non work-related issues. He decided to investigate the matter.
Jim strolled into his quarters as the end of the day, looking forward to a (hopefully) quiet evening with his lover. He was not surprised to see Spock in his quarters, but he was surprised to see the Vulcan peering into the walled storage unit, taking measurements and apparently doing an inventory of all of Jim’s uniforms, jeans, trophies, sporting gear, teddy bears, and his secret stash of booze (face it. Jim was sort of a pack rat).
“Spock?” His lover turned around to face him. “What are you looking for? What are you doing?”
The Vulcan looked slightly puzzled. “It is quite impossible.”
“What is?” Now Jim was puzzled.
“There is no room.”
“Room for what?” Jim asked patiently. Hey, if Spock wanted to hang a couple of tunics in Jim’s closet, Jim would make the room.
“There is no room for both of us to have ever been in there simultaneously, and indeed, to the best of my knowledge I was never in your storage unit. Therefore, Mr. Sulu’s statement that we had both ‘come out of the closet’ is factually inaccurate and…”
Jim sat down on the bed and laughed till he cried. Seeing Spock’s really puzzled expression, he patted the bunk. “Come here, you.”
Spock did so, and Jim gave him a very careful explanation of a (fortunately) completely obsolete Standard phrase, one so old and irrelevant that even the linguistics banks had deleted it.
Humans were odd, Spock concluded. But at least they learned and grew.