It was just another quiet day on the bridge of the Enterprise.
“Mail call, Commander Spock, from the T’vakhar Institute on Vulcan.” Lt. K’nuska, a cheerful Mandankia who handled the ship’s physical mail, reached into his cart with two of his six arms and pulled out two boxes, which he handed to the Science Officer.
“Thank you, Lieutenant.” Spock inclined his head politely. “Do I owe you remuneration for the delivery fees?”
“Nope. They’re marked ‘research equipment,’ so according to regulations, there’s no fee.”
Kirk looked up from his chair as his bond mate collected the boxes. Research equipment?
Later that night, Jim found himself on his bunk, being driven to an utter frenzy by one of the newest toys Spock had bought for them from the T’vakhar Institute, inventors of the galaxy’s first vibrator.
“Spock,” he gasped, “I’m not complaining, but…oh, God, yes!...why did you have this marked….oh, please, harder!...research equipment….ohhhhh!”
Spock lifted his head from Kirk’s groin just long enough to reply. “It is research equipment,” he said seriously, giving the vibrator buried in Jim’s passage another twist. “I am endeavoring to discover how many times a human male can orgasm in one night.”
For any xenobiologists who might be interested, the answer is ‘seven.’