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The doors slid open and Captain Kirk walked into the room that gave off an unsettling aura throughout the entire ship. The first thing he noticed was the heat, an almost unbearable temperature that hit him as soon as he stepped into the cabin. Even for Spock, whose body temperature is higher than a human’s, this was unusually hot. He remembered vaguely McCoy telling him about the fever. Plak tow or something like that. But he wasn’t too focused on that right now.

Kirk had his mind set on one thing

Spock was hunched over his desk, with his hands pressed against his face. His whole body was quivering, as he attempted to control his most feared emotions: anger, hate, hysteria,

And insatiable lust.

McCoy’s words echoed in his mind, He’ll die Jim. He’ll die. In eight days according to his words, if something was not done. The only option, he said, was that they would have to go to Vulcan, as Spock had begged for. But that was now impossible, for it would take them two weeks to get to Vulcan at full speed. It could not be done. As always, Kirk was sure there was another option. However unpleasant it may be. He could save Spock.

When Kirk entered the room, Spock briefly glanced up, but remained in his position. His face was distorted with pain. Kirk wasn’t used to seeing Spock so out of control.

"Captain," he said, struggling to spit out the word, "You must - leave." Kirk knew that he would respond this way. But he didn’t come here to leave.

"No Spock." Kirk said firmly, not budging.

"Please Captain," he said as though each word were difficult to say, "I – can’t, control it."

"Spock," Kirk said walking toward him, "I’m not going to let my first officer die." He sat on the edge of the desk looking down at Spock. He remained silent. Kirk wasn’t sure if it was because of the pain of saying the words or because he just didn’t know how to respond. Maybe both. He continued, "and I’m willing to do anything to prevent it." Kirk emphasized on the word ‘anything’. Spock still didn’t respond. Kirk grabbed his chin and lifted it up so Spock was looking strait at him. His face was covered with a pleading look, but underneath that pleading there was something else. Something that Spock seemed to be trying desperately to push away. Something that could only be seen by the person who knew him as well as Kirk did. It was craving. "Anything," Kirk said again. He let go of Spock. There was a long silence.

"What are you suggesting?" Spock glanced nervously at Kirk.

Kirk got off the desk and stood next to him, unsure of how to put this. "Let me help you Spock," he said after a moments thought and he rested his hand on Spock’s.

Many things happened at once in that moment. The most prominent were the overwhelming emotions washing over him. It was only a couple of seconds, the seconds that Kirk touched his hand. But it was a blinding; he nearly forgot where he was and who he was. The only thing he could fathom were these overwhelming emotions.

Suddenly he heard Spock’s yell, almost from a distance, "NO!"

Then the emotions disappeared, and he found he had his back shoved against the wall with Spock clutching Kirk’s wrist with a strength clearly not human.

Kirk was gasping for breath from the fear he hadn’t yet realized was present.

Spock stared at him but this time with the craving look letting loose, despite the fact that Spock was desperately fighting it. He was shaking even more now. Suddenly Spock let go and turned away from him, unable to bear looking at him. It gave Kirk a brief moment of relief, but it quickly vanished when he remembered why he had entered this room. It was replaced with a small annoyance that this had to be dragged out.

"No," Spock said again, "Jim, what your suggesting… is illogical. I could-" Spock turned his head slightly so he could see him, "…kill you, Jim." Kirk’s heart made a huge thud. This time he couldn’t stop himself from shuddering. But he was sure that Spock didn’t see because Spock immediately looked away when he finished saying those words.

"No you won’t," Kirk said as firmly as he could, "I know you won’t." He tried to hide the doubt that was threatening to creep into his voice.

"No, Jim. You don’t understand," Spock said, "I’m not in control of my emotions, of my actions. I won’t risk what might happen."

"Damn it Spock! You don’t think I know that?" Kirk said getting impatient, "I understand that you’re not in complete control." Kirk’s heart began to pound heavily by anxiety, "The alternative is that you die, Spock. Do you understand that?" Kirk could hear his voice crack.

Spock was silent. Of course he understood it.

Kirk tentatively laid his hand on his shoulder and turned him so he could see Spock’s face.

"Spock," Kirk said almost desperately now, "I don’t want you to die." Spock still said nothing. He looked to the side avoiding Kirk’s fervent gaze. "You’re my friend," Kirk continued, "and I…I love you more than anything in the world," he suddenly realized it as he said it. He had never given it much thought, but he now understood that it was undoubtedly true. With this remark Spock met his gaze looking slightly surprised. "The thought of life with out you," Kirk suppressed a shudder, "I won’t bare it."

After a long moment, Kirk let his hands fall from Spock’s shoulder. Then he said reassuringly, "It’s O.K. Spock."

Spock wasn’t looking him anymore, his eyes had drifted back to his hands. Kirk was beginning to think that Spock was going to say no again, then he said, "It… will hurt." It was his last defeated attempt to warn him off.

Kirk lifted his shoulder slightly in a hesitant shrug and smiled gently, "I’ve taken a good amount of pain these past three years. I don’t think a little more will make a huge difference."

Spock’s eyes flashed up to meet his, "I’m sorry."

Before Kirk could prepare himself or even respond, his face was slammed against the wood of the desk. Kirk could feel Spock’s grip on his wrist that was now twisted behind his back. His pants were quickly ripped off, even some of his shirt was torn in the process. Goose bumps rose up all over his body, at the shock of his utterly bare skin. "Spock!" He uttered in surprise. He was sure he didn’t hear it.

A sharp pain made him gasp, as his skin seemed to be stretching slowly apart. It was only a finger, he realized, a seemingly large, slick finger covered with some kind of lubricant. He felt it, probing, stretching, penetrating. He bit his lip as another finger was added. He let out a loud groan when the third was added. Spock’s other hand reached under him and began stroking his shaft, which despite the objections from his mind, began to grow and harden. The fingers probed impossibly deeper. He let out another moan this time not sure if it was from the pleasure of being stroked or the pain of accommodating the fingers.

Then the pain was gone. Kirk heard Spock shuffling with his own cloths. He heard a zip, then something fall to the floor. Kirk closed his eyes, waiting.

Kirk could only remember fragments of what happened in that moment: Spock’s powerful thrusts into his body; Spock’s heavy breath against his neck; a hand stroking him, and the other tugging at his hair; hot fluid entering his body; and his own voice crying out as he met his climax. Then… blackness.

He’ll die, Jim. …must get him to Vulcan.

His eyes fluttered open. Kirk was on his belly on cushioned surface. He smelled the white leather of the material. A blurry figure scuffled around him, touching him. Blackness… Jim! What happened to him?…needs help. Hurt. His eyelid was lifted open, he briefly saw a blurry face leaning over him. Then there was a blinding light. Blackness again…

He’ll be fine, just give him a few days. Leave him alone.

The voices in his head faded away. Kirk opened his eyes and saw a white ceiling. He had been sleeping comfortably in a bed, in some room that seemed strangely peaceful. Why was he here? Where was he? It was only when he sat up and yelped from the pain in his anus, did the memory come rushing back to him.

"Captain I would advise you to stay put, for I do not believe you are in a condition to move about." Kirk looked up to see Spock sitting in a chair across from the bed, staring back at him with a slight hint of guilt on his face, but with a reluctant smile playing at the edge of his lips.

Kirk almost smiled at Spock’s usual logical way of speaking. He was the same old Spock again. Kirk turned his head to hide it. He was quiet for a moment, thinking about how happy he was the Spock seemed to be back to normal. Finally he said, "How long have I been out?"

Spock face turned serious and thought for a small second. Then he said, "Approximately one day, nine hours, and twelve minutes. I could give you the seconds if you like?"

This time Kirk did smile, "No thank you Spock." They were silent for a moment.

Then Spock said, "Dr. McCoy had to give you stitches. He said that you should not move about too much for at least two days. I hope you don’t mind, but you needed medical help, and I could not provide it."

Kirk tried not to imagine McCoy attempting to give him those stitches in that place.

"So he knows?" asked Kirk already fairly sure of the answer.

"I strongly assume he does, Captain, considering the nature of your injury… and the others," Spock glanced briefly at the hand prints bruised onto Kirk’s forearm, then immediately looked back at him, "But he did not ask, nor did I tell him. No one else knows however," said Spock. He paused. When Kirk did not say anything he said, "McCoy did, however, want a report on your condition."

"I’m fine, Spock," Kirk said, understanding that Spock wanted to know as much as McCoy did. "A little tired. My, uh, ass hurts a little," at this Spock’s face turned to darker tint of green, and he turned away hiding his face shamefully. Kirk quickly continued, "but after all it wasn’t all bad." he said hinting at the fact that he had received some pleasure from it as well. The edge of Spock’s lips lifted just slightly. Kirk then asked, worried as he was, "But how about you? Are you alright now?"

Spock sighed softly, "I’ve nearly killed my Captain. I’m far from all right-"

"But will you live, Spock?" Kirk interrupted trying not to sound insensitive, but his impatience getting the best of him.

"-but," Spock continued, "physically I am completely stable. Yes I will live."

Kirk nodded, "Good." Then, ignoring the pain in his bottom, he flipped up the covers of his bed and sat up.

"Captain," Spock said standing up, "You were advised not to walk or move around too much, I suggest-"

"We have no time for that." Kirk interrupted again, "We will be arriving at Alter 6 in about three days. I need to notify the Federation of our arrival, and prepare the ship for shore leave. I also need to report my condition to Dr. McCoy-"

Spock quickly walked toward his Captain and with both hands, gently but firmly, pushed him back onto the bed. Kirk could not resist, Spock was too strong. "All of which," said Spock, holding down his stubborn Captain, "I can do myself. The doctor’s orders are for you to stay in bed for at least a day to allow recovery. For once I fully agree with the doctor. And if I have to use the nerve pinch to ensure that those orders are followed, I will." Spock’s eyes bore into his, emanating the seriousness with which he meant those words.

They stayed like that in silence for a while, Kirk too surprised to respond. He had forgotten how firm Spock could be when he had his mind set on something important.

"Okay," Kirk said relaxing back into the bed, but his eyes still slightly wide with surprise.

Spock released the pressure on his shoulders and stood strait. He pulled his chair closer and sat down. Guilt was still strongly evident on his face. He looked like he was trying to gather up the words to say something. "Spock-" Kirk was about to console him and relieve his guilt, but Spock cut in.

"I am truly sorry, Jim," he said

"You’re sorry for saving your own life?"

"At the expense of your own physical pain." Spock shook his head, "I should’ve… I should’ve warned you earlier… I should’ve-

"Spock," Kirk said. He sat up slightly, "Stop blaming yourself. Please." After a pause he rested his hand on Spock’s, remembering vaguely what had happened the last time he did that. This time he was not flooded with Spock’s emotions. He only felt the faintest twinge of guilt from him. Spock looked up surprised. "It was my choice too you know," Kirk said, "It’s not like I went into it unwillingly." Kirk tilted his head slightly and regarded Spock. Then he said, "When I said I loved you, and that I couldn’t bare life without you," Kirk squeezed his hand, "I meant it." A vague smile began to slowly form on Spock’s face. He turned his hand so he could hold Kirk’s, a gesture that Kirk knew meant Spock felt the same way.

The sat there for a while, in silence, enjoying each others company and the link they had through their hands. Kirk lay back down feeling completely relaxed with his Vulcan friend.

It finally dawned on Kirk how tired he actually was. He yawned quietly. Spock, knowing that he was tired, said, "I leave you to rest." Reluctantly he let go of Kirk’s hand and stood up.

"You don’t have to leave," Kirk said, but his voice deceived him, as it was quiet and Spock could hear the yawn in it that Kirk was suppressing.

"I do have some work to attend to," Spock said gently.

"Very well," Kirk said giving him one last smile. Then he closed his eyes and before Spock had even left the room Kirk slipped into unconsciousness.

Spock stood at the doorway looking at his Captain, knowing he was already asleep.

"Thank you, my t’hy’la," Spock said, "for everything."

Then he told the computer to lower the lights, and left his Captain to sleep in peace.

 

Chapter End Notes:

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end

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