You must login (register) to review.
Reviewer: macywinstar Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 08/04/2015 3:01 AM Title: 1

This is a cute story!  I think another story with Jim and Spock playing chess would be perfect.  Do you plan to finish your other story--Strong Apart, Stronger Together?



Author's Response:

thank you very much!
i I actually need some help with the other story.. i wrote all that a couple years ago, and i just dont know how to continue it, if anyone wants to help, my skype is mirihoneydew

Reviewer: HaveYouHeard Signed [Report This]
Date: 07/23/2015 7:06 AM Title: 1

Love a sassy Spock ;) Leaving Jim Kirk speechless is no small task!! More more more...pretty please? 

Reviewer: bridgettebbg Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 07/21/2015 2:27 PM Title: 1

Oh I like that one. I hope you write some more, just a tad longer.

Reviewer: Sera Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 07/21/2015 8:22 AM Title: 1

I would like it to read more. ;-)
A funny moment. ;-)

Reviewer: KaraStorm Signed [Report This]
Date: 07/20/2015 8:12 PM Title: 1

Cute.

*pinned -> pinning


I have two small issues. I hope crit is okay? If not stop here.

 

I have a bit of confusion with the point of view. This is Kirk's fantasy but I feel like Kirk is imagining himself and Spock from a third angle view. Sort of. Since the fantasy line is short, it's carrying a lot of weight. Also might want to move "less than a second" or just cut it.  You can also cut "their eyes met" since they've met in the next line by implication.

 

Spock's point of view at the end is likewise awkward. I don't think he knows his own expression, unless it's intentional. I'd find it more amusing if he smirks at Kirk, intentionally, like, hey you think you're hot stuff, eh. I don't believe you're going to really live up to that, puny human. And strides away to let Kirk stew in surprise at having his challenge topped.

 

I may be rambling here. Anyway, cute drabble.



Author's Response:

Edited all i could :) i wrote it at 5am last night >_<

Reviewer: SORAL179 Signed [Report This]
Date: 07/20/2015 3:28 PM Title: 1

It is a fun idea



Author's Response:

thank you!

Reviewer: macywinstar Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 07/20/2015 1:34 PM Title: 1

What a cute story!  I'd be happy to read more.



Author's Response:

Thank you :) i might write a few more flirting things and then a meet up

You must login (register) to review.