Date: 12/28/2018 12:54 PM Title: Chapter 1
Wow. This was great. I could totally feel Kirk and Spock having this conversation. Spock being frustrated with Kirk for not figuring things out. Kirk being frustrated with Spock for not spelling out what he is trying to communicate. Then finally there is understanding.
Date: 06/28/2015 3:56 PM Title: Chapter 1
I've read this story several times, and it certainly has made me think. It is a puzzle for the reader, as well as for Kirk, and I enjoyed that aspect of it. As I've written before, I appreciate the spare, tight quality of your writing. Sometimes fan fiction tends to be overwritten, and I like it that yours is not.
I enjoyed the way you wove into the story the occasional description of what was going on around them -- the Caitian child listening to them and flattening her ears against her head, the "fractured remnants of a broken tree" that they walk around as they talk. Those passages were vivid, and I thought they contributed a lot to the rhythm and color of the story.
For me, the story was ultimately too cryptic to satisfy. I suspect that you probably intended it that way, and that perhaps you wanted to leave the reader with a bit of mystery. When I put together the pieces of the puzzle, starting with the title of the story, this is what I concluded:
(1) For most of Spock's career, his life has revolved around Kirk. Sometimes they've been closer, sometimes farther apart. (I notice you called the story points of apsis, not point, suggesting you're referring to the near point of the orbit as well as the far point.)
(2) Spock went to Gol to escape his feelings for Kirk. He returned to face those feelings.
(3) Spock is leaving to become an ambassador to escape his feelings for Kirk once again. He has thought about finding a relationship with someone with whom he can share the rest of his life.
(3) Kirk is dating a woman and probably regularly dates women. He doesn't share the details or how he feels about these relationships with Spock, but Spock is far from indifferent to them.
I got the impression from Spock's remark about Humans' not living long that because of Kirk's short life-span, he had resolved to devote himself to Kirk while they still had time, but that he never got enough of Kirk to fulfill that plan. But I don't know if I am reading that right.
What I could not figure out from the story is the nature of Kirk's and Spock's relationship. It is coded "K/S slash" and "Romance," but I don't know if that refers to where they are at the time of this story, or in future or even in the past. And I don't want to base my interpretation of the story on the Archive codes. I want it to be a satisfying read on its own terms. When Spock said that he came back to Kirk after Gol, does that mean, came back as a lover? Did Spock's difficulty remembering after Genesis affect their relationship? Why does Kirk have sexual relationships with other people -- because he and Spock are just friends, because Kirk doesn't want to commit to one person, or because Spock has not explained to Kirk how he feels, or hasn't done this since Genesis?
Oh, this was an interesting comment - I do write sparsely on purpose, most of the time, but cryptic isn't really my intention. Or, I should say, I didn't intend for anyone to not be able to understand what was/had been happening by the end of the story, though admittedly the dialogue is meant to be roundabout.
In addressing your points I would say that you seem to have understood what was going on, though. As for the issue of whether or not the romance is occurring presently or in the future, I wrote this as their 'getting together' - or that was the intent, anyway. I imagined - for the purpose of this fic, anyway - that they have no romantic history whatsoever. (Hence why Kirk is dating women, for one thing). So: Spock goes to Gol to repress his emotions for Kirk, which is a standard idea, then returns both because of V'Ger and because he realizes the futility of doing this and knows that he would rather be by Kirk's side even as friends. In 'Search for Spock' and the movies after Spock had difficulty understanding his own motivations for past actions, and I imagine it would have taken awhile, even possibly a few years, to both 'remember' and again start experiencing his supposedly one-sided desire for Kirk. All of these factors would have contributed to his decision to stay on Earth for awhile. By the time this story occurs he has remembered, and these feelings have become troublesome to the point where he is considering the ambassadorial position.
I thought the explanation of these events were implied fairly well through the dialogue, but looking at it now I can see that some of it might have been confusing. I'm sorry about that. I might adjust it later, if I can do so in a fashion that fits the flow of the story, but either way it's good to have it pointed out - I'm always trying to improve my writing.
Thank you for commenting!
Date: 06/27/2015 11:13 AM Title: Chapter 1
I adore this. There needs to be a few more chapters, though - or a sequel.
Ha, it was short, wasn't it? I'm not sure about a sequel but I'll definitely be writing more Star Trek in general. I'm glad you enjoyed this, thank you for reviewing!
Date: 06/27/2015 8:48 AM Title: Chapter 1
Adorable sketch of a decisive moment that hold so much more in it than it expresses in words. It seems the whole of their story condensed in a few moments. I love it. :)
I'm glad you enjoyed this! Thank you for reviewing :)
Date: 06/26/2015 6:23 PM Title: Chapter 1
I agree how the end of their lives changed direction is less often covered. Sometimes it is good to read dense Jim. I also like the idea of Spock not being prepared to put up with Jim's actions forever. Especially when there is no Enterprise as an excuse nof to find a beach to walk on.
Jim's often portrayed as being completely on top of things, but he can be caught off guard, too. And even Spock's patience isn't infinite! I'm glad you liked this, thank you for reviewing :)
Date: 06/26/2015 1:56 PM Title: Chapter 1
I thought I would try this story as the concept intrigued me. There has been a lot of fanfic about Spock leaving for Gol but much less as to how he became an ambassador. You make some good points here and generally I liked the story. I would suggest that you use more descriptive text to fill in around the conversations, however. Describing the setting and the physical appearance or interactions of the characters will enhance your writing and make it fuller and more satisfying to the reader. Good job with what you have done. I'll look in on your next post to see how you are doing.
Thank you for your comments! I can agree that this piece was lacking in descriptions and I appreciate the feedback, it's useful to know how others perceive my writing. :)