Date: 05/24/2014 4:23 PM Title: Chapter 1
I think the fade-to-black worked very well here. It gave gravity to the kiss by letting it be the culmination.
Tiny problem: It sounds like Spock has already removed his gaze from Jim's wet pants when he suddenly sees the turgid change. Either he has stopped looking or not. Or I suppose he could have caught a final glimpse but it doesn't sound like it.
Just the right amount of setup for the carnival (a cause, a place, a mode of organization) without getting bogged down into a chapter of details.
Goodness - I thought I'd already responded to your review here, but my internet connection must have hiccuped. Perhaps I did get changes made necessary to fix the tiny problem though? (Because I am not seeing the issue now.) I do so appreciate your reviews. I found a tiny typo just not ('and' that should have been 'an') and fixed it.
Date: 11/14/2013 3:03 AM Title: Chapter 1
It was really good. It was in character and your grammar and punctuation were perfect. :)
Oh, how sweet of you to say so! Thank you. I've learned a lot in a short time picking up writing for K/S and I am loving it. I especially like it when they are in character in other people's stories so it means a lot to know that I'm doing a good job of that too.
Date: 09/29/2013 10:14 AM Title: Chapter 1
That last line especially with that whole thing with Uhura and Scotty just made the story that much better!
Oh - I'm so glad you thought so! I've always enjoyed Uhura's character and I think at heart in both universes she has a sympathetic heart. As a communications specialist, I was sure she would pick up on all that body language that we see.
Date: 09/03/2013 12:08 PM Title: Chapter 1
Yummy, sexy, and great fun! Fund-raising for victims of Orion slavers -- I love it! I hope they don't get busted for lobbying.
I hope you will write what happens after the fade to black ...
Oh - thank you so much for commenting and picking out something you liked. I won't promise something after the fade to black (unless the muse starts pounding on me) because I tried starting something last night and it was ick, ick, ick - really lousy writing and even worse, really boring writing. So I turned up my nose at it, made faces and said, 'Fine - guess we're done here.'
Date: 09/03/2013 10:43 AM Title: Chapter 1
OMFG my jaw literally dropped open when Spock grabbed Jim, because I thought for sure it was going to be the other way around. Wow wow wow!
(What Patricia said: SQUEEEE - thud).
Heehee! Yeah - this was lots of fun. It is one of my favorite things in the world to have Spock stay completely in character most of the time - and then hit me with a kapowie out of the blue.
Date: 09/03/2013 2:45 AM Title: Chapter 1
The descriptions in this are mesmorizing. When you're describing Spock looking at Jim looking at Spock, I was held spellbound. Great word choices, and great technique. I'd be taking a break myself, there, boys! Yay for a terrific story!
Yay for a lovely reviewer! Thank you so much. I am so very happy that part worked out well (switching POV is sometimes really problematic). I really appreciate your pointing out a particular part you liked.
Date: 09/03/2013 1:43 AM Title: Chapter 1
Yes, a bit of fluff but an enjoyable bit of fluff. Of course, it was inevitable that Jim would have to kiss Spock, right? Thanks.
Absolutely! Thank you so much for commenting, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Date: 09/03/2013 12:31 AM Title: Chapter 1
Made me smile so much. This was delightful. I see them both leaving for that break together..ahem...and I knew Uhura was gonna collect a ton of credits. Excellent work....
Oh thank you for the comments. Yes - don't you just want to follow them and see what they do next? I'll bet clever Jim manages to find an empty equipment tent somewhere...