Date: 12/29/2018 2:43 PM Title: Chapter 1
I must admit I thought this was a fun interlude. In my view fix is fix and I don’t mess with others head cannon or purist ideas of how our char characters should be presented. It would be boring if only one canonical vote was presented.
Date: 06/30/2013 10:19 PM Title: Chapter 1
Please take my comments as constuctive. This does not read at all like TOS to me. Your Kirk acts and talks like someone in their late teens to early twenties, not like someone in their mid to later thirties (which would be his age during the TV show). And to say that Spock would think of Kirk as not very smart really threw me. Kirk wouldn't be a captain if he wasn't intelligent and wasn't good at reading people.
Look into getting a beta. A good beta can help assist ironing out a story's wrinkles. The premise of this was interesting, but I think it could be so much more. Example- The man behind the counter saying, "Can I help you guys?" would sound much better and cleaner if it read, "May I help you, gentlemen?"
Keep writing and practicing. Good luck :)
The fact is that the reason I put it in both TOS and Alternate!verse, is because the Spock I envisioned was Nimoy, yet the Kirk was Pine. I figured since there was no overt reference to the story being in either category, I would put it in both. I find it very difficult to write for one universe as I often find Nimoy and Pine who I envision when I write Spirk.
The 'smart' I wrote referred to his interpretations of Vulcan culture - Spock would not be very impressed with Kirk's resume in the field of alien cultures, and he was simply conveying the fact that Kirk wouldn't pick up on the romantic implications of the gesture using a common human idiom of insulting ones intelligence - due to the fact that Kirk would often misinterpret Spock's behaviour, which can be seen throughout the series and the two new movies - esp. in Into Darkness.
The reason I wrote 'Can I help you guys?' instead of 'May I help you, gentlemen?' is to underline the relaxed culture of the Angels - you must remember that he is from an alien species which I have already highlighted with the character of Ava and the Beta-Angel-Demons is an odd one, with different rules to human society. This is not a human planet, or Klingon or Vulcan. They use KNOWLEDGE and MEMORIES as money, obviously they're a species that is a lot less formal, a lot more friendlier than most other species.
Um, I hope this helps you understand why I did the things I did. Thanks for the review.