Date: 06/26/2013 10:32 PM Title: Chapter 1
Well done. First person is so hard to do, but you pulled it off beautifully. I loved Spock's slow decent into Pon Farr and his dreams. Very vivid and I thought wonderfully in character. Bravo!
Wow! Thank you so much! The verb tenses almost killed me!
Date: 06/24/2013 5:46 AM Title: Chapter 1
I really enjoyed this as well. I could hear Nimoy as Spock saying those words you have written here. His symptoms come upon him so gradually, and they begin to escalate thereafter.
Pon Farr is such a difficult thing for Vulcans. Such a logical race, and to have that shattered by some biological urge.
In the end, Jim is there, to help him through it, and beyond.
Excellent, well done my friend.
Thank you so much for your review. I was thinking about how I write Spock's voice, and it is so much easier than Jim's (though I like writing McCoy) Funny how somethings are easy and some are really difficult.
Date: 06/22/2013 12:37 AM Title: Chapter 1
You're right. First person narrative is hard. I believe I have trashed everything I ever attempted with it. But I think you managed pretty well here. I think you have Spock's voice down so I would say good job!
Thank you for reviewing this! I may never do 1st person again. Thought I was gonna die!
Date: 06/21/2013 10:53 PM Title: Chapter 1
First person is always hardest. I tried it once and swore "Never again!" You did a wonderful job. I could really feel Spock's turmoil and his pain as he spiralled down into the flames. I was genuinely worried until the end (not that I don't know how this story ends!) and then Jim was there with him and I was thrilled. "A bond has been created between us that transcends friendship and desire." What a beautiful sentiment. Sounds like "Beauty and the Beast" to me and that's a compliment. Awesome job!
Thank you for your kind review, and for pointing out my one good sentence!
Date: 06/21/2013 5:49 AM Title: Chapter 1
What a simple idea and so obviously right given cannon of Personal Logs. I love the switch fgoo getting McCoys advice to I must not go anywhere near sickbay.
Thank you! i tried to capture Spock's absolute humiliation about his "problem".
Date: 06/21/2013 3:36 AM Title: Chapter 1
Wow well done for keeping the first person perspective all the way through must have been tempting to let it slip at times. Spock's voice rang true all they way through. Great job.
After about the 5th edit, my eyes were crossing. Verb tenses just killed me. 1st person suited this I think because it showed rising tension but it is certainly not a style I'll make a habit of using. Too hard! I am glad you liked this and thank you for your review!