Date: 04/19/2013 10:48 PM Title: The Secret Admirer
This isn't bad work, but it is riddled with small errors throughout. I can see that your first chapter was labored over, but in the second chapter, things kind of fall apart in terms of readability. The story is there. The romance is there. The characterizations (in the first chapter are there). The consistency and form leaves something to be desired. I think if you found yourself a dedicated beta reader, this story, which has wonderful potential, could really be polished into a fine little gem.
Happy writing and do continue! <3