Date: 12/07/2012 4:26 PM Title: Chapter 1
If you work on your punctuation problems (i.e. run-on sentences), you are likely to gain more readers. For example:
Jim had also lost someone special -- his husband, Gary Mitchell, who had been a first officer on the Farragut. Spock remembered how he had learned [about] that. They had been on Earth after the death of Nero, and Spock had been on his way to his quarters at the academy after his talk with his elder counterpart [when he] saw Jim and his friend, Doctor McCoy, on a bench. They [had] realized he was there and Jim jumped up.
I uploaded my unbeated copy by accident and I found it this mmorning in a stroke of genious I deleted the better copy.
Date: 12/04/2012 3:26 AM Title: Chapter 1
I'm rather impressed by the sheer amount of plot you put into a 2100-word fic. You obviously have a very vivid idea of how the boys evolved from trying to kill each other to being in love. I love the idea of it taking years to get them there.
Thanks for writing!
Glad you liked it:)
Having them falling in love quickly is kind of impossible in the reboot verse given everything that happened