Date: 01/05/2013 3:22 AM Title: Chapter 4
Oh, this is really good. Can hardly believe you'll manage to get Spock and Stonn on the Bridge without needing Q. It's working. Love it. Can't wait to read the next chapter.
Glad to see Kirk realize he can't make the choice for Spock, to keep the Vulcan in the dark. It's also nice to see a cast of Vulcan characters--familiar, yet not entirely--and to see them again in the context of a joint mission--TOS was, after all, lean on species diversity. This will be an interesting bridge crew. Can't wait to see McCoy's response.
Thanks so much for keeping at this, Jane.
Thanks immensely, Aname, it's always good to hear from you and I hope you know I appreciate the detailed feedback. As you know, I regard this as something of a joint effort; thanks go to you just as much for keeping at it with me. Lovely to have you back.
Date: 12/29/2012 10:08 PM Title: Chapter 4
Don't feel bad that your writing has inspired me to read ancient philosophy after a long break; I tend to read eclectically and widely anyway as a matter of course and am right now reading a small book about the rise of communism in Russia because of a debate I had with a nephew during our usual family dynamic, deep and meaningfuls at christmas, where we put the world to rights, if only we were allowed to run it:) We are such a sensible, practical bunch in new zealand, we would be great world leaders!!!
Onto the story; as an adult rewatching TOS it occured to me that Shatner's kirk was pretty self aware for the most part and that he could be adaptable and lateral in his actions which is why he was such a good captian. I think you capture that in this chapter, he adapts his decisions as the situation evolves while still maintaining his compassion (thinking Stonn for TeMala) but also even though his instict is to protect those he loves he will be very pragmatic, hence going for Spock.
As usual surperb writing.
Thank you so much for this and your other review. I hope you had a lovely Christmas. Going to New Zealand is a very old fantasy of mine and you have my vote for world leadership any time you want it. You are so lovely to me; thank you again and happy new year!
Date: 12/27/2012 6:41 AM Title: Chapter 5
I think if I tried to rush up a hill for 400 meters in 40 degree weather, I'd clapse from heat stroke - props to Kirk for that.
Anyways, I'm so glad you gave us Spock's perspective of this first meeting. Re-meeting. Whatever it is. I'm also a bit surprised that it was Stonn and not Kirk that got the reaction from Spock, then again, he had a moment to prepare for Kirk, however brief. I certainly hope that Bones won't consider Spock a lost cause just yet, I bet they're going to need everything they have to draw him back out of himself just now.
Anyways, thanks for the updates, and I will shamelessly beg for more =)
Thank you so much for both reviews; hope you were off-site having a good time over Christmas. I think, as you say, I felt I'd given Spock enough notice of Kirk's arrival at Gol for Kirk not to notice any reaction; I hope this feel realistic. Me - I couldn't manage 5 metres, but that's just one of a whole raft of reasons why I'm not a starship captain.
Date: 12/27/2012 6:16 AM Title: Chapter 4
So, I haven't been on the site in a few days and got all confused when it said you were on Chapter 5. Looks like I missed an update >.< Sorry.
Anyways, you're bringing Stonn in and retrieving Spock from Gol o.O I'm very glad there's another chapter or I'd be freaking out right now. Thanks for giving T'Mala a moment on stage too, I rather like her.
Date: 12/26/2012 10:45 PM Title: Chapter 1
Ha ha, I don't mean it as any criticism of you - this story's so brill I just assume it is some subtle characterisation whose meaning is yet to be revealed...
Cool, I'll just keep quiet and let everyone go on thinking I'm more subtle than I am, then!
Date: 12/26/2012 12:14 PM Title: Chapter 5
Awesome :) I love the gingerbread house analogy - that's great! Another enjoyable chapter. (Does Spock really think that a human/vulcan hybrid achieving kolinahr will be a triumph of diplomacy as far as humans are concerned? He's not as brainy as he looks! :p )
Thanks so much, it's lovely to have detailed feedback (well, especially when it's complimentary!) I have personally always thought that Gol presents a real difficulty in canon, because it's very hard for humans (including me) to understand why someone as intelligent as Spock would have anything to do with it at all. So if you find yourself, as I do, having to write about it, you have to make it up as you go along.
Date: 12/26/2012 1:29 AM Title: Chapter 1
Jane, I was again surprised to find another chapter posted on Christmas Day no less. A regular Christmas giftie!
I am intrigued as to how you are going to unGol Spock (at least that is what I am pulling for) but will anxiously wait to see. Stonn and Spock on the Enterprise without an explanation? Ouch! Kirk with the Golized Spock? Ouch! Reminds me of running into a friend you haven't seen for years that you have absolutely nothing in common with. Awkward.
Continuing to look forward to your lovely story. Hope you had a merry Christmas.
I don't do Christmas, hence posting two chapters while I had some time off work. But I hope you had a wonderful one and thank you so much for the review and for being so kind.
Date: 12/23/2012 8:04 PM Title: Chapter 4
Ooooh, tough chapter full of tough decisions! Enjoying it, of course. I don't mean to attempt to influence you at all, esteemed author, but I hope Stonn turns out to be a decent chap rather than nasty, as what happened re: T'pring wasn't his fault and I'm sure he has a lot to put up with being her husband... It'd be a bit much making him a villain in his own right as well! XD
All the characters were great in this, McCoy not descending into caricature was a great bonus, and Amanda and Sarek were cool. Love this story!
Hello esteemed reviewer, thanks so much for this, it was really kind and much appreciated, and always nice to hear from you. I never comment either on other people's marriages or on yet-to-be-posted chapters, but as a matter of fact, I am not sure that you could necessarily argue that T'Pring's decision was nothing at all to do with Stonn - meaning her decision to leave Spock, as opposed to choosing Kirk as her champion.
Date: 12/23/2012 7:30 AM Title: Chapter 4
As if Spock would let Jim go out without him! Did he really think there would be another option? Really?
Go Amanda! Talk some sense into them!
Hi, thank you so much for reviewing. Hoping to post next chapter soon...
Date: 12/23/2012 12:33 AM Title: Chapter 4
Another chapter just in time for Christmas! Thank you, Jane!
The plot thickens and looks even more dire. Yikes! I really like that you are weaving characters from canon in with your own characters. and I am still thoroughly enjoying your story. Not a bit crazy now...well, maybe I shouldn't say that. I've been crazy for a good long time. Merry Christmas and thanks for the gift.
All the best people are at least slightly crazy. Thank you for being so kind. Have a wonderful Christmas and see you soon.
Date: 12/19/2012 4:32 AM Title: Chapter 3
I enjoyed chapter 3 very much, and greatly appreciate all you bring to bear to make your stories, the plots, characters, dynamics seem authentic. Thanks for incorporating all those elements that build a believable and intriguing sense of history and conflict. It's also gratifying to encounter OCs with enough weight to stand on their own. Kudos for avoiding tired Trek conventions (pun pardon, please): Wesley isn't a hack; Sariden's allowed to be fully Vulcan, and also to be capable of depth and growth; Ciani's not just a pivot point--I won't be surprised if she fills an action role in a future chapter (though not presuming to suggest it). I also appreciate the maturity with which the two main characters make their choices and deal with consequences, and the fact that Kirk being pulled from the ground to command this mission is as believable as anything in sci.fi.
POV and action chapters may be more exciting; but I like good scaffolding. Without meaningful character development and plot, I find all the fluff and action dissipates from my mind within about 24 hours. ~ Thanks tonnes, Jane D.
Thank you so much for an amazingly kind review - your feedback is always what I learn from, and I particularly appreciate the alternative spelling of Saredin, which is actually more authentic in the traditional Vulcan dialect from his home settlement... Thank you tonnes, as well.
Date: 12/19/2012 12:28 AM Title: Chapter 3
I have to admit that I got a bit lost with the Greek philosophers. I took a logic course in college and quickly realized that I was not a Vulcan! Passed the beast by the skin of my teeth.
However, I am still here, still reading, hoping that my lovely Spock will get back in the picture and escape Gol. Also escape getting killed in the process. Write on, Miss Jane! I am less crazy...no, maybe not...but I'm still reading.
Hello again. I'm aiming to post before Christmas. Sorry about the philosophy... and thank you for keeping reading.
Date: 12/17/2012 12:11 AM Title: Chapter 3
After your last reply to my comments I was going to say that it's alright, I understand writing takes time and I'm happy for your updates however long they take.
Then you left Kirk deliberating over collecting Spock from Gol and, well, adakjfahdgkjlfsaghe, I want to know what happens!
Oh well, you continue to surprise me with Saredin and I love how you're using Wesley and Lori too. Interesting that you didn't kill her. Glad to see Bones is worried about Spock as much as Jim. Please keep writing, in whatever timeframe suits you.
Hi, thank you so much. I hate not updating more often, both for my own sake and because I find WIPs frustrating to read. However, I have a whole ten days off work from Friday, so I am planning to get ahead then. Thank you very much for the lovely feedback and for being so patient with me.
Date: 12/16/2012 8:45 PM Title: Chapter 1
No no, don't be upset :) And don't do yourself down - you act so surprised when we say we enjoy your stories and you needn't, they are genuinely really good!!! It's just that I try and leave constructive criticsm so that you can tweak and improve your craft for the next ones (of course it's easy to dispense advice - I never take my own in my stories anyway so feel free to ignore it XD )... And also the story is yours so you needn't apologise for doing it your way! :D
Didn't want to come across as upset, I genuinely appreciated what you said and agreed with it. The rest of it was just British-speak for thank you very much!
Date: 12/16/2012 8:12 PM Title: Chapter 3
Hmm. This was very good, of course. One of the best things about your stories is that you delve into the psyches of the characters and I think your paragraphs about Kirk's moods, mental state and psychological troubles (both acknowledged and not) were really outstanding! However, one criticism I do have is the way you jump about between time periods, which can makes things hard to follow at times - for example, when I opened this chapter I read a few sentences and then had to go back to chapter 2 to check that I had actually read it. Turns out I had, but it felt like I had missed a bit of the story.
I really enjoy your use of apocryphal materials such as Roddenberry's TMP novelisation and the enrichment which this provides for the story. However, one thing that is problematic for me is Sonak - this is the name of the vulcan who got killed in the TMP transporter accident, yet the events in your story are from before that, yes? So why are you talking about a transporter accident happening to someone called Sonak? I don't know whether it's supposed to be significant or whether it's just you reusing a name... but anyway, I found it very confusing (but maybe I'm just a dumbass, ha ha!).
Also I really like Saredin... I don't want to like him because he's so manipulative and annoying, but I can't help it. Am I even meant to like him? XD
Thank you for this, which was kind and much appreciated and everything you say is perfectly fair (well, the criticism is). By way of explanation, whilst hoping not to sound defensive - I hadn't intended to write this story and after being flattered into writing a sequel, got stuck with a storyline which took me inescapably into TMP territory, a dislike of diverging too far from canon and an utter lack of interest in re-writing TMP. So I have touched on bits of TMP where possible - like Sonak - whilst ruthlessly disregarding Vger and Decker and co, and I have shot helter-skelter through Kirk's time on Earth, as well. If I were more organised, I'd have arranged the chapters into separate parts, and called this bit Part 2 or something, and then you might have found it less confusing. For the rest, I offer no explanations, simply apologise for anything which spoiled your enjoyment, including what I know is an idiosyncracy of mine, in leaping between time periods. Re Saredin and everything else - you are meant to like and enjoy it as you like and whatever you get out of it gives me huge pleasure. Thank you so much for sticking with me.
Date: 12/16/2012 8:04 PM Title: Chapter 3
I love how this is all coming together, I feel like I'm being taken on a rollorcoaster ride which is totally unpredictable. What's so fantatsic is that I generally know what might happen and right now I don't...I love honest Kirk his ability to get to the core of his own issues with such brutal honesty
Thank you so much, lovely to hear from you. If you generally know what might happen, you are probably ahead of me. I'm hugely pleased to have managed a rollercoaster ride for anyone!
Date: 12/10/2012 4:16 PM Title: Chapter 2
My, what a tangled web you weave... my fears are not abating!
Great, looking forward to more :)
Thank you so much for sticking with it. I am sorry about your fears; I wasn't actually trying to abate them, but the night is yet young. More soon...
Date: 12/10/2012 9:06 AM Title: Chapter 1
I enjoy reading what you post. Each thought you write for them, makes us think about them, what direction they should go, where their head is at. It truly is a journey of self-discovery.
The decision to go to Gol has a different feel. You state and I quote:Could he, Spock, go to Gol not because of his Vulcan heritage but because of his human blood – could he be the first human to achieve kolinahr? And what would that mean to the Accords, to the galaxy, to Vulcan? To Kirk? He wishes to find answers, but is thinking how it would be for him, being partly human. No where did I see you write Spock wishing to get rid of his human side which has plagued him for so long...he just wants to know more about himself, and since he has lived among Vulcans on the Seleya, with Humans on the Enterprise, the only place left to go is to return home...to seek understanding...Who am I? Where do I go from here? Jim will have to find his own answers... Your story is filled with so much, I wish I could analyze it in greater detail, and express my findings freely, but words prevent me from doing so...I wouldn't be able to do it justice... Thanks for the update, and everyone here waits eagerly for your next chapter.
You are very noble to take such care over the review when I was worried I would bore everyone rigid. Thank you so much for being so generous about the story. More soon....