Date: 01/13/2013 12:05 AM Title: Chapter 5
Highlights of this chapter for me centre around the way you allow Kirk's humour and humanity to surface when faced with the utterly alien Gol eg his thoughts about why he can't simply transport in. And then this:
Kirk had always been surprised by those who professed to find Spock difficult to read. Once you had invested any time whatsoever in listening to him (and Kirk had spent absolutely none during Stage One and rather a lot in Stage Two), it was actually a lot easier to read Spock than anyone else... Spock... tended to reveal exactly what he thought in a more focused and direct way, and finding out what he was feeling was rather like following a trail of breadcrumbs to the gingerbread house. Spock always left breadcrumbs; exactly what they looked like or how many of them there were simply depended on how he felt or how quickly he wanted you to get to the house. It was as simple as that.
There were no breadcrumbs here, in this hallway at the door to Gol.
Yes, this is my JTK. Facing adversity with empathy and humour and determination. Just great writing.
Tiny point, really tiny (would change font size if this wretched and bizarre self correcting text box would allow)... Pressurised? Not pressured? (My old English teacher in my ear and visions of bicycle pumps).
Perhaps we had the same English teacher. You are absolutely right and I apologise and will go and change it now. Thank you so very much for all of this - it's lovely of you to bother to leave such substantive feedback and it's deeply appreciated.
Date: 01/08/2013 4:38 AM Title: Chapter 5
I loved so much about this chapter. It had me smiling broadly and 'feeling it,' alternately. Highlights: Kirk's ascent; descriptions of him and Spock sometimes blurred, so I wasn't sure which of them were under study at the moment, and then thought perhaps the effect was intended. Loved the lines (and all the imagery and more accompanying them); "The effort eased, suddenly, and he looked up to find that the ground had levelled. He had reached the gates." Moved by the reunion, on Kirk's behalf, and despite Spock's quietude.
In describing why Spock's voice is easy to read, and comparing him to those whose hearts haunt their sleeves, I thought you showed exacting understanding and discription of human--and hybrid!--emotional expression. Also commend you on getting inside Spock's head, and portraying what may be the best descriptions I've read of his inner experience and learning at Gol.
I also loved the humor: "Today it will be 45 degrees and cloudless. Tomorrow, too," and the fact that, as is so often done in Trek, it was paired with intense feelings and situations.
Many thanks, Jane D. I can't think of a story I've enjoyed more.
I can't think of a review I've enjoyed more, so we are, as ever, on the same page. Thank you so much for all your encouragement and understanding; I owe you much more than I can say. Wishing you lots of cloudless skies.
Date: 12/27/2012 6:41 AM Title: Chapter 5
I think if I tried to rush up a hill for 400 meters in 40 degree weather, I'd clapse from heat stroke - props to Kirk for that.
Anyways, I'm so glad you gave us Spock's perspective of this first meeting. Re-meeting. Whatever it is. I'm also a bit surprised that it was Stonn and not Kirk that got the reaction from Spock, then again, he had a moment to prepare for Kirk, however brief. I certainly hope that Bones won't consider Spock a lost cause just yet, I bet they're going to need everything they have to draw him back out of himself just now.
Anyways, thanks for the updates, and I will shamelessly beg for more =)
Thank you so much for both reviews; hope you were off-site having a good time over Christmas. I think, as you say, I felt I'd given Spock enough notice of Kirk's arrival at Gol for Kirk not to notice any reaction; I hope this feel realistic. Me - I couldn't manage 5 metres, but that's just one of a whole raft of reasons why I'm not a starship captain.
Date: 12/26/2012 12:14 PM Title: Chapter 5
Awesome :) I love the gingerbread house analogy - that's great! Another enjoyable chapter. (Does Spock really think that a human/vulcan hybrid achieving kolinahr will be a triumph of diplomacy as far as humans are concerned? He's not as brainy as he looks! :p )
Thanks so much, it's lovely to have detailed feedback (well, especially when it's complimentary!) I have personally always thought that Gol presents a real difficulty in canon, because it's very hard for humans (including me) to understand why someone as intelligent as Spock would have anything to do with it at all. So if you find yourself, as I do, having to write about it, you have to make it up as you go along.