Date: 01/20/2013 9:10 AM Title: Chapter 3
I had to go back and see where I had left off, and here I am finishing chapter three. What an amazing, well ordered mind you have, you managed to think far ahead, and create this intricate plot, that now seems to fall into place. Jim is so restless at his desk job, and now that he has pieced the final puzzle, he has never felt such purpose and conviction...
So, he is pleased beyond words he's getting his ship back, but also shocked that Saredin requested him. Plus, there is this business about Spock. Will he leave Gol now to join Jim by his side. Will Jim allow it, possibly jeopardizing his life.
Brilliant chapter, so very well weaved together, coming full circle.
Forgive me for replying so late to your story. I have many more chapters to read, but need to have no distractions while reading, which is not often the case. So bear with me, I will get to the others. Thanks for sharing.
Hello again, thank you so much, how kind of you. I must find a way of telling my husband I have an amazing, well ordered mind. Absolutely no forgiveness necessary; so glad you are enjoying it.
Date: 12/19/2012 4:32 AM Title: Chapter 3
I enjoyed chapter 3 very much, and greatly appreciate all you bring to bear to make your stories, the plots, characters, dynamics seem authentic. Thanks for incorporating all those elements that build a believable and intriguing sense of history and conflict. It's also gratifying to encounter OCs with enough weight to stand on their own. Kudos for avoiding tired Trek conventions (pun pardon, please): Wesley isn't a hack; Sariden's allowed to be fully Vulcan, and also to be capable of depth and growth; Ciani's not just a pivot point--I won't be surprised if she fills an action role in a future chapter (though not presuming to suggest it). I also appreciate the maturity with which the two main characters make their choices and deal with consequences, and the fact that Kirk being pulled from the ground to command this mission is as believable as anything in sci.fi.
POV and action chapters may be more exciting; but I like good scaffolding. Without meaningful character development and plot, I find all the fluff and action dissipates from my mind within about 24 hours. ~ Thanks tonnes, Jane D.
Thank you so much for an amazingly kind review - your feedback is always what I learn from, and I particularly appreciate the alternative spelling of Saredin, which is actually more authentic in the traditional Vulcan dialect from his home settlement... Thank you tonnes, as well.
Date: 12/19/2012 12:28 AM Title: Chapter 3
I have to admit that I got a bit lost with the Greek philosophers. I took a logic course in college and quickly realized that I was not a Vulcan! Passed the beast by the skin of my teeth.
However, I am still here, still reading, hoping that my lovely Spock will get back in the picture and escape Gol. Also escape getting killed in the process. Write on, Miss Jane! I am less crazy...no, maybe not...but I'm still reading.
Hello again. I'm aiming to post before Christmas. Sorry about the philosophy... and thank you for keeping reading.
Date: 12/17/2012 12:11 AM Title: Chapter 3
After your last reply to my comments I was going to say that it's alright, I understand writing takes time and I'm happy for your updates however long they take.
Then you left Kirk deliberating over collecting Spock from Gol and, well, adakjfahdgkjlfsaghe, I want to know what happens!
Oh well, you continue to surprise me with Saredin and I love how you're using Wesley and Lori too. Interesting that you didn't kill her. Glad to see Bones is worried about Spock as much as Jim. Please keep writing, in whatever timeframe suits you.
Hi, thank you so much. I hate not updating more often, both for my own sake and because I find WIPs frustrating to read. However, I have a whole ten days off work from Friday, so I am planning to get ahead then. Thank you very much for the lovely feedback and for being so patient with me.
Date: 12/16/2012 8:12 PM Title: Chapter 3
Hmm. This was very good, of course. One of the best things about your stories is that you delve into the psyches of the characters and I think your paragraphs about Kirk's moods, mental state and psychological troubles (both acknowledged and not) were really outstanding! However, one criticism I do have is the way you jump about between time periods, which can makes things hard to follow at times - for example, when I opened this chapter I read a few sentences and then had to go back to chapter 2 to check that I had actually read it. Turns out I had, but it felt like I had missed a bit of the story.
I really enjoy your use of apocryphal materials such as Roddenberry's TMP novelisation and the enrichment which this provides for the story. However, one thing that is problematic for me is Sonak - this is the name of the vulcan who got killed in the TMP transporter accident, yet the events in your story are from before that, yes? So why are you talking about a transporter accident happening to someone called Sonak? I don't know whether it's supposed to be significant or whether it's just you reusing a name... but anyway, I found it very confusing (but maybe I'm just a dumbass, ha ha!).
Also I really like Saredin... I don't want to like him because he's so manipulative and annoying, but I can't help it. Am I even meant to like him? XD
Thank you for this, which was kind and much appreciated and everything you say is perfectly fair (well, the criticism is). By way of explanation, whilst hoping not to sound defensive - I hadn't intended to write this story and after being flattered into writing a sequel, got stuck with a storyline which took me inescapably into TMP territory, a dislike of diverging too far from canon and an utter lack of interest in re-writing TMP. So I have touched on bits of TMP where possible - like Sonak - whilst ruthlessly disregarding Vger and Decker and co, and I have shot helter-skelter through Kirk's time on Earth, as well. If I were more organised, I'd have arranged the chapters into separate parts, and called this bit Part 2 or something, and then you might have found it less confusing. For the rest, I offer no explanations, simply apologise for anything which spoiled your enjoyment, including what I know is an idiosyncracy of mine, in leaping between time periods. Re Saredin and everything else - you are meant to like and enjoy it as you like and whatever you get out of it gives me huge pleasure. Thank you so much for sticking with me.
Date: 12/16/2012 8:04 PM Title: Chapter 3
I love how this is all coming together, I feel like I'm being taken on a rollorcoaster ride which is totally unpredictable. What's so fantatsic is that I generally know what might happen and right now I don't...I love honest Kirk his ability to get to the core of his own issues with such brutal honesty
Thank you so much, lovely to hear from you. If you generally know what might happen, you are probably ahead of me. I'm hugely pleased to have managed a rollercoaster ride for anyone!