Reviews For Betrayed
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Reviewer: iorekbyrnison Signed star [Report This]
Date: 12/12/2013 3:31 AM Title: Chapter 1

Have you ever heard of a downward spiral? Because that's what this story is.The reader continues with the story because there is hope for redemption and then you fail to satisfy that hope. That's your business. It's your story. I'm of the opinion that it's probably not good prose however. You have a good potential for a story here and a lot of good things going on, but I never find myself likeing Jane ever at any point. Instead I find myself sympathizing with Spock and the rest of the crew who seem honestly guilty. Jane is good at lieing to herself. That's just about the only thing she gets accomplished here.

Reviewer: Gabrielle Andrille Signed starstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: 12/04/2013 11:55 AM Title: Chapter 19

Well done, and I think your ending was very true to the characters!

Reviewer: Gabrielle Andrille Signed starstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: 12/04/2013 11:51 AM Title: Chapter 19

Well done, and I think your ending was very true to the characters!

Reviewer: Dunyazad Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/01/2013 12:08 AM Title: Chapter 19

Oh, a sad ending, but as I've written before, it was inevitable, and I am glad you stayed true to the characters as you portrayed them in the beginning. Great characterization of Jane; I love her Kirkish determination and resolve.

Reviewer: SORAL179 Signed [Report This]
Date: 11/30/2013 1:06 PM Title: Chapter 19

We are sad but there are some Fics that a happily ever ending would ruin and this is one. So thanks for not leaving that possibility hanging.

Reviewer: Dunyazad Signed [Report This]
Date: 11/04/2013 4:39 AM Title: Chapter 18

I hope this is not the end, and that one more miracle may happen. But however you nring this story to resolution, I commend you on having the integrity as a writer to take your premise and your characters to their logical conclusion. Some time ago you warned that a happy ending might not be possible, no matter how much you and your readers would like it. And again, you are showing great integrity, letting your characters drive the story.

I've just read the first 18 chapters in one sitting, and here's what I am struggling with. If Spock has such an incredibly deep, almost unprecedented bond with Jane, then how could he have rejected her so completely when she became pregnant, no matter how convincing the evidence that the child could not be his? (I would point out that for a scientist, Spock seemed surprisingly indifferent to the evidence against his hypothesis, and surprisingly unwilling to take the logical actions that would have verified the hypothesis, or not.) Even if Jane had been unfaithful, how did that come to outweigh the profound, unbreakable bond we are told they had?, Another reviewer questioned why Jane was restored to Starfleet's good graces only after she proved that the child was Spock's. I too struggle to understand how everyone in Starfleet could have shunned Jane so completely for the reasons they did.

We're told that despite her deep sense of betrayal, Jane is still in love with Spock, and Spock professes his love for her. I guess I'm just not seeing it. The Spock who rejected Jane at the beginning of the story is not, to me, very loving, or very loveable.

Reviewer: Roger786 Signed [Report This]
Date: 11/03/2013 12:28 PM Title: Chapter 18

Please send us the next it could. Not be the end ?

Reviewer: Roger786 Signed [Report This]
Date: 11/03/2013 12:12 PM Title: Chapter 18

Please no... Do not do that to us! 

 

Reviewer: Roger786 Signed [Report This]
Date: 11/02/2013 12:23 PM Title: Chapter 1

Please do not wit too long to send us the next....I cannot wait !

Reviewer: AshayaTReldai Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 08/25/2013 8:00 PM Title: Chapter 16

Oh please give Spock a chance to win Jane back...

Reviewer: Banner Signed [Report This]
Date: 11/20/2012 1:06 AM Title: Chapter 1

I just reread this story - I think it's the third time - and I *finally* figured out what was bothering me: the only reason that Spock, Star Fleet, or any of the people who she thought were friends gave her a second chance is that she *proved* that Spock was the father.

What if he hadn't been the father? What if she had been drugged and raped by a sexual predator? What if a Romulan intelligence agent or a Klingon commander actually used some imagination, and had set up the pregnancy as a method of breaking up a superb command team? If she had spent a few hours asleep in a hotel alone during shore leave, it wouldn't have been difficult to bypass civilian security. A date-rape drug introduced as an aerosol would have left her with no alibi. She would have been equally innocent by our custom and in the eyes of the law, but the only possible method of proof would be a mind-meld - assuming that the GBH-equivalent left any memories to access. Spock already refused to give her the chance anyway.

The next time someone says that they were all being "logical" and "reasonable" by shunning her, maybe you should have her raise those issues. Especially if it's that supercilious, manipulative lawyer that Spock hired.

She is a superior tactician and strategist. Jane must know that if her pregnancy had been induced by hostile intent, instead of benign, that none of her former friends and coworkers would ever have come back to her. She might not have been quite so ... harsh as my assessment, but she certainly understands the implications.

Starfleet got her back in probably the only way that would have worked - one helluva bribe, combined with a public apology and assurance that she can keep the baby with her. How does that line go? "The most unreliable piece of equipment is a crewman who wants out". Something like that, anyway. (I like the way she didn't just roll over for them.)

Look, I *want* them to end up together. I just think that she's going to need some sort of assurance that her word has value. To someone.

Spock is forcing her choices too soon. He should back off, give her some time, convince her to let him be Science Officer on the Endeavor (since it will be a long time before she really trusts him as a 2iC), then the schism could heal naturally. Realistically, Spock has upwards of three years before pon farr is likely to be a problem. This "forgive me right now or I'll kill myself" attitude isn't doing him any favors. Maybe Amanda should rap his knuckles for him.

Didn't there used to be a scene with McCoy?

Whew! This might be the longest review I've ever published.



Author's Response:

Yes there used to be a scene with McCoy but in my brillance I managed to delete it and whole story.... when I went to booted up version half of it was not there so...... :(

Forgiveness won't come easy and they will ALL have to prove themselves to her again... not just Spock.

Thank you for the long review... it means my story interest you and thats a great compliment!

Reviewer: Oracle_Thunder Signed [Report This]
Date: 09/02/2012 4:23 AM Title: Chapter 15

Ok Jane needs to grow up. It wasn't like Spock automatically went to the 'cheating whore' idea when she became pregnant. It sounds like he had the VSA and McCoy run tests on him to see if he was fertile. It shouldn't be held against him that he trusted numerous biological tests rather than believe the magic alien artifact helped him knock up his wife (and I'm sorry but all Jane and Spock had to do was be near it and made them fertile sounds more like magic then technology).

Jane is hurt he didn't trust her but honestly anyone else wouldn't have even had more tests done in the first place. I think it's a sign of how much he loved and trusted her that his first reaction was that everyone medical exam he'd ever had was somehow wrong. Jane herself didn't know how it happened so why should Spock have?

By letting her hurt feelings get in the way she is effectively denying Isobel her father. Jane knows about pon far and knows he can die from it. Instead of agreeing to some counseling or talking to each other she basically told him he is on his own with his biological imperative. She knows what kohlinar does, she has seen the adepts, so what she expects from all of this I have no idea.

Also Jane's hardships during her pregnancy were Starfleet trying to be nice to the Vulcans. I doubt Spock contacted them and asked them to have her blacklisted so she needs to start attributing blame where it belongs instead of passing it all on Spock.



Author's Response:

Thanks for the review! Nice to see passion ;)

 

Reviewer: VCVZ Signed [Report This]
Date: 07/26/2012 4:52 PM Title: Chapter 15

*horrible wail of anguish and utter sadness*

Author's Response:

sorry???

Reviewer: prince Signed [Report This]
Date: 07/25/2012 9:40 PM Title: Chapter 1

Hmm, Kirk did not forgive Spock right away. I think it is interesting. Please write more!



Author's Response:

Kirk won't forgive spock for a long time! New chapter out ;)

Reviewer: Scarlettmoon7 Signed [Report This]
Date: 07/21/2012 12:10 AM Title: Chapter 15

Interesting.... I like that she didn't forgive him right away likle most fics have jim do.. Looking forward to the next part.

Author's Response:

And after much procrastinating its up!

Reviewer: pintospirk Signed [Report This]
Date: 07/20/2012 6:02 PM Title: Chapter 15

Well shit. Jane better forgive him.

Author's Response:

Maybe?

Reviewer: christina v Signed [Report This]
Date: 07/20/2012 5:22 PM Title: Chapter 15

you go Jane don't forgive Good riddance to Spock



Author's Response:

Lol thanks for review

Reviewer: SORAL179 Signed [Report This]
Date: 07/20/2012 3:13 PM Title: Chapter 15

Oh this is so sad, so so sad. Please update soon



Author's Response:

updated!

 

Reviewer: Zzickle Signed [Report This]
Date: 07/11/2012 5:11 PM Title: Chapter 14

If this story is unfinished, it should be in the Works in Progress category.

Author's Response:

Isn't it? Will update - thanks for letting me know :)

Reviewer: bowsie22 Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/12/2012 7:57 PM Title: Chapter 14

I don't know what I want to happen! But I want Jane to be happy. Can't wait for more =D



Author's Response:

She will be happy... Spock though? No promises!

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