Date: 09/16/2014 12:10 PM Title: Behind His Back
Sorry just one more minor error that is a bit confusing - when Kirk wakes after McCoy knocks him out it says first thing to return is the pain but next sentence says the pain is gone. Then 2 paragraphs later it says "...it didn't break through the overwhelming pain he was in. Sorry, I write fanfic too and I like when fans of my stories tell me when I have an inconsistentcy or confusing part - and I like to help do same for others.
Date: 09/16/2014 12:01 PM Title: Behind His Back
I was reading this story again and noticed that this chapter is confusing because the timeline jumps all over the place out of order. Meaning it starts nowhere near where last chapter ended then it jumps "20 days earlier" to "Threee days after the incident", to then finally half way into chapter it gets to Kirk coming to after being raped.
I only mean this to be a helpful suggestion to make yr story even better so I hope you don't mind - I just think that this chapter should have BEGAN with the section that starts with the sentence: "The first thing to come back was the pain . . ." and then proceeded in order of timeline. Good storyline though!
Date: 07/23/2014 12:34 PM Title: Seeing Him Again
Love this story, reading it a second time :-) My only correction would be that Spock never or rarely called McCoy "Bones" as you have him doing in this chapter a couple of times. Only Jim called him by that nickname - Spock is too logical to use anything but formal name of Leonard or Dr. McCoy :-) Not a big deal, just if you want to be true to the characters.
Date: 04/12/2012 10:07 PM Title: The Redemption of Captain James Kirk
Sorry, it was Chapt. 7- this scene "Captain, I have to tell you..I really like this plan"
"A great portion of the blame in this matter could be placed apon you, Mr Scott"
I don't unerstand how it can be, except that Watkins worked in Engineering but Scotty is not responsible for Watkins actions so...????
Author's Response: Scotty was the one who saw and first spread the rumor.
Date: 04/09/2012 11:29 PM Title: His Love Will Conquer All
I have a question - in Chapter four Spock tells Scotty that Jim's disgrace is as much his fault as anyones - how? I could not see how that is so.
And a comment: Spock never called McCoy Bones except maybe under the influence. He is always Dr or Dr McCoy or once or twice Leonard.
It seems unfair to rate someone without telling them why - for myself grammar and extra words did detract from the story a little but in all it was a good premise and a reasonable read; certainly I'll read any more you might come up with; perhaps Sarek and Winona?????????
Author's Response: The question about chapter four confused me. Scotty isn't in chapter four... And I try to keep Spock as in character as possible, and I'm pretty sure he referred to Bones as Doctor or McCoy...if I screwed that up somewhere, my apologies. I've actually been typing all this on my phone because my computer is broken. Unfortunately that means my grammar and style suffers a little. Hopefully my next story is better. And yes, I'm currently working on a sequel to this. :)
Date: 04/09/2012 6:58 AM Title: Accepting the Inevitable
this is the loveliest chapter so far. although I don't know how I feel about them actually whaling on each other.
Spock was his first officer who stayed distant from everyone except him, and he was the captain who didn't follow orders well. He was impulsive, brash, and didn't care at this moment about his pain or injuries. There was only one thing that mattered.
Date: 04/09/2012 6:55 AM Title: This War Isn't Over
The unspoken words sat heavily in Jim's mind as Spock carefully worded his response. "Because a ship cannot leave without her captain, captain."
So, Winona/Sarek? Doesn't look like you're fixing to go there. Darn! It's like my new thing these days. (Affliction's Sons being the prime example.) They could distrust each other at first, then gradually come together over caring for Cpt Kirk... *hint hint*
Date: 04/09/2012 6:50 AM Title: The Redemption of Captain James Kirk
Okay, so I know you're angry--and I'm not saying this b/c I'm the low rater because I haven't rated your story at all--but. It's possible that you got down-fistied because whoever it was just was struggling with your writing and it had nothing to do with the story. I personally have found some of your dialogue to be confusing to the point of me not really being able to understand what is going on, especially vis a vis Kirk's relationship with the crew after the sexual assault occurs. Do you maybe have a friend who could help you by acting as a beta reader? Back when I was writing I always had a beta because I could read over my work literally five times and miss glaring problems while my brain was filling in the parts I elided. I'm not trying to imply that you suck at writing as hard as I did back in the day--actually, it seems to come easily to you, which I admire greatly. However, I'm just throwing that out there because a lot of people do find a beta helpful.
It's hard to find betas on the interwebs these days so I would suggest a sibling or classmate or much put-upon significant other. I haven't seen any questionable content so far so it shouldn't be too embarrassing to solicit a beta-read. And slash is practically mainstream these days--helloooo, Supernatural.
Anyway, moi is moving on to the next chapter. Much love for holiday posting. I was worried it would be a slash drought.
Date: 04/09/2012 1:04 AM Title: His Love Will Conquer All
I loved it. Sequel, sequel, please? I love Winona and Sarek you could continue with them and Spock and Jim.
Author's Response: I was seriously thinking about continuing the story using another challenge. Any ideas?