Date: 05/22/2011 8:19 PM Title: Chapter 1
There is a lot of feeling in this. I like the images - particularly the third verse - "your touch is cold like the sea". The ending is very potent.
Two small things (since I like nitpicking): In the fourth verse, the use of the word "gay", though interesting because of its obvious double meaning, also gives off a hint of hilarity, which, I think, breaks with the mood of the poem. Also, in the seventh verse, "it's" should be "its", without the apostrophe. Just a teeny grammatical mistake.
But I like this. Especially since I'm fond of tragedy. You really bring across Spock's emotions in a realistic and passionate way.
Author's Response: Thanks for letting me know..I have trouble with my grammar and spelling..I will correct it..and I understand completely what you say about the gay part I may go and change it to something else...thanks again for pointing my mistakes...