Reviews For Betrayed
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Reviewer: Greywolf the Wanderer Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 12/21/2010 2:17 AM Title: Chapter 4


I have to admit, I both like and don't like this ending.  It feels very real to me that given Spock's behaviour when he finally did come to Kirk, it would end as depicted.  What troubles me I think is the thing that's troubled me all through this, and that is, why would Spock never have bothered to check, nor ever empathized with Jim once he learned his mistake?  And of course those are conditions given in the prompt and therefore stuff you were kinda stuck with.

Given the abovementioned behaviour by Spock, though, would Jim really have gone to him in his Fire, or would he have engaged a prostitute who was male and strong enough?  It's hard to say for sure because what Jim says to Spock right afterwards is missing:

In the exhausted aftermath, they lay, side by side in the same bunk. "," said Kirk.

OTOH, your depiction of the military consequences of all their actions is spot on and a refreshing change from several fics where such consequences didn't happen and it was poor Jim who got dumped on by everyone including StarFleet.  Intense as those were, and absorbing in their own way, this was the only answer to this prompt where the consequences seemed more realistic to me.  Kudos for that and how!!

Author's Response:

Thanks for pointing out the error - I've fixed it now.  I was trying to say that Spock needed some degree of compatible mental contact, got enough but not as much as he wanted.  Let me know if I've failed and I'll have another go.

Reviewer: TPara Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/21/2010 2:02 AM Title: Chapter 4

Well, this was a downer.

But I do appreciate your take on the [perceived] betrayal trope.

Also, yay for the name T'Para.

Reviewer: Hypatia Kosh Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/15/2010 8:32 AM Title: Chapter 3

Nice chapter.

Areel Shaw, perhaps?

I like the Spock bit the best. The Uhura bit is so true.

Reviewer: lyra vega Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/14/2010 10:06 PM Title: Chapter 3

This is written with a remarkably different tone, almost like a report of events.  It's somber, and the style reflects the feelings of being left out in the cold, the loss of opportunity more than even the words do.   Meant or not, it's nicely done. 

Reviewer: putigress2012 Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 12/14/2010 8:22 PM Title: Chapter 3

Oh... that last bit has me tearing up. Spock's insecurity led to his cruelty and carelessness - and thus to his loss of Jim and subsequent loneliness.

Great chapter. I liked the way you set things out. Especially regarding Jim's recovery, through both Bones and Spock's eyes.

Only thing, this kind of seemed misplaced:  Over the next ten years, he discovers a variant of quadrotriticale which is resistant to 90% of all known pests (including tribbles), he discovers a plant-based cure for the Tarsus-fungus, he engineers a foodstuff which is high in calories, keeps indefinitely, and can be baked into bread edible by all known humanoid species, but he never takes the helm again.

All of the other character's situations and futures were kept relatively recent/close in the future, but you laid out Sulu's path for the next ten years. It didn't stand out too much, but it did seem a bit jarring when in the context of the rest of the chapter. It was interesting to see where he ended up, though.

Can't wait for the next chapter!


Reviewer: Calimora Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 12/12/2010 1:00 AM Title: Chapter 2

This is why I should never let my self start WIPs. I can't wait to find out how (if) you fix this crew.

[But I have to wait...]

Reviewer: Hypatia Kosh Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/10/2010 9:12 AM Title: Chapter 2

guhhhh, loving this story, why isn't there moar plz?

Old Spock to New Spock: Ohhh, snap.

Love First Officer Wainwright of the dashing eye patch.

Kirk is very Kirk. Still, gotta say what's also Kirk... to forgive (but not forget).

Reviewer: Greywolf the Wanderer Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/10/2010 7:08 AM Title: Chapter 1

forgot to say this the first time around but amidst Pike's wonderful rant I particularly like:

"God dammit - we gave you the best we had as your commander. If you've broken Starfleet's Nelson I'll make you wish you'd never been born.

Epically pissed-off Pike is fucking epic!

Reviewer: Little Muse Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/10/2010 2:29 AM Title: Chapter 2

I so rarely review (aside from writing, I'm a shameful lurker < _ < ), but this is excellent. There is nothing I appreciate more than realism in trying situations. Too many people want to get to the "good stuff" (a debatable term in the first place), whenever it just takes more. It's often bugged me that in this trope, Spock's monogamous nature wins out every time over his knowing Jim, reducing Kirk's complexities to the too-common lady's man caricature in the process. And more than that, it's always bugged me that this doesn't bug Kirk. Not to mention the professional aspects, which I also completely agree with you on (I love your Pike, btw). So, thank you.

Just wanted you to know that I love what you're doing here and anticipate updates.

Reviewer: Jester_McKay Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 12/07/2010 9:07 PM Title: Chapter 1

THANK you. Finally, a fic where someone gets their arse kicked for acting unprofessionally.

Reviewer: FantasyGem Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 12/07/2010 3:52 PM Title: Chapter 1

What I really liked about this is, I believe you were making a point about not just the unprofessinalism which would not happen with senior officers without serious repercussions, but also with Spock's character. Would Spock have truly turned his back on Kirk without even thinking in his mind all of the possiblities as to why Kirk was in that situation? It made me look at other stories, and just how "un-Vulcan" his portrayal is being handled.

Reviewer: Hypatia Kosh Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/07/2010 8:18 AM Title: Chapter 1

Hee hee, I love the military jargon. Kinda sounds more Army than Navy to me (and Starfleet is definitely Navy) but who cares? That dressing down was EPIC.

Reviewer: Greywolf the Wanderer Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/07/2010 5:57 AM Title: Chapter 1

Hmm -- I reckon I could clarify a bit there -- I'm following several of the WIPs for this, and enjoying same as far as the characters etc go -- but as far as military procedures go, I reckon ye nailed this one.

Army brat, can ye tell?

Reviewer: Greywolf the Wanderer Signed [Report This]
Date: 12/07/2010 5:55 AM Title: Chapter 1

Fucking YES!!!!!!!!!

I dunno how many attempts at this prompt I'd seen, where Jim just gets kicked to the kerb and no-one believes him at all.  Can't think of a single WIP for this one that has even been finished.

THIS, this right here, is how it would actually go down in a military outfit.  Naval, air, land forces doesn't matter.  I think Pike in this one is fracking *awesome*, and frankly I hope the four of them -- including Spock -- get very properly punished for such unprofessional and incredibly amateurish conduct during a diplomatic mission.  Every single word of Pike's rant is exactly how such a thing should be handled.

Them four should consider themselves lucky Pike thinks they might be salvageable.  Myself, am not yet convinced.

It feels *extremely* weird to me to take Jim's side and consider Spock a total arsehole -- but really, given the setup -- he gots a *lot* of 'splainin' to do!

Greywolf -- holding off on the numerical value purely because it's still a WIP.  But a fracking *great* one so far!

Reviewer: Tonati Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 12/07/2010 5:53 AM Title: Chapter 1

Well done!


Reviewer: Bastet Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 12/07/2010 2:05 AM Title: Chapter 1

Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!

Reviewer: lyra vega Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 12/07/2010 1:57 AM Title: Chapter 1

I applaud your take on this scenario.  We tend to forget that Starfleet in a military organization, and discipline is critical to the structure.  Your take is far closer to truth and reflects more common sense than others who have attempted this story line.  Thanks for taking the more difficult road.

Reviewer: CMM Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: 12/07/2010 1:30 AM Title: Chapter 1

It's very well-written, and I like the twist. I especially like Pike's character and the fact that Chekov stands by his captain. However, I find it hard to believe that Spock wuld not know that Jim's participation was forced. But then, I'm a sucker for Spock.

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