Date: 07/19/2010 9:33 AM Title: Chapter 1
Aw, woman, I do like this! It's fast-paced, it's frenzied, and yet it is not rushed. In just 999 words you managed to a develop a compelling plot that keeps you in suspense 'til the end and makes you catch your breath in more than one occasion (when the Lirrni stripped Nyota, I really believed for a nanosecond that it was over).
I simply love all the small details that you put here and there (yes sir, I am a details-fanatic!); Bones' last-minute intervention was really well done. And the Lirrni, with their detached and sadistic curiosity, remind me a lot of the Talosians (and of human scientists, but that's another story).
p.s. I know that I've already told you some of these things, but I suppose you don't mind if I'm a bit repetitive, do you? ;)
Well, no: I hadn't realized that there are 999 words in this... a bit scary, imo. Call me illogical, but 999 feels definitely like an unusual, even fateful number =)
Thank you again