Date: 10/31/2009 5:25 AM Title: To Establish Justice & Insure Domestic Tranquility
oh my god.
i knew that ensign substitution story was shady
i thought the girl that helped them would be killed and an attempt made on Spock's life on the ship
Yeah, this chapter is pretty straightforward as far as the twists go, but it'll get a little less elementary soon. XD
Date: 10/30/2009 11:08 PM Title: To Establish Justice & Insure Domestic Tranquility
Nice plot twists. Also, I love the preamble-themed titles. I'm such a Constitution nerd...
I know, I love the Constitution. I had to use it, since it goes so well with my theme.
Date: 10/28/2009 12:07 AM Title: In Order to Form a More Perfect Union
Interesting story. I could definitely see it fitting into TOS (minus the explicitness, of course.) I'm interested to see where it goes.
Thanks! The next chapter should be up Thursday or Friday! XD
Date: 10/27/2009 6:18 PM Title: In Order to Form a More Perfect Union
I'm enjoying this so far. There are many different ways you can go with it, so I understand how you see the potential for it to get too complicated. For what it's worth, you might want to eliminate or minimize Diaresis's "cohorts". It is first explained that "women are considered below men" in this society, but then Diaresis is introduced as the High Priestess- which indicates she is the leader. I'm not sure if this is a deliberate paradox to be explored later or an inconsistency in the story. I like that there is lots of potential for alliances, political in-fighting, etc. And, I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the sex! I look forward to seeing the next chapter.
First of all, thank you for your review. I will have to re-read it, but Diaresis is supposed to be male. Perhaps I have a typo, I will check, but all of the tribe leaders, most especially Diaresis and Hwair. Sorry if that was unclear, I shall certainly take a look. And keep reading...it gets better. (Both the plot and the sex XD) I'm working on the next chapter as we speak... *evil laughter.*
Sorry, I'm excited about this one. XD