It happened. I hated myself for sending him out like that. It reminded me of the other time I had to choose between him and McCoy. We weren't as close as we are now. It's never easy to make decisions, especially the ones that could change someone's life. We were lucky again, for he made it. Barely.
I have to live with the fact that he almost died because of my decision. Of course, he would tell me it would be illogical to beat myself up about it. He was doing his duty to Starfleet. He'd do it again, if need be.
The aftermath of all this changes a person. You wonder will he ever look at you in the same way. You wonder if next time will be the last.