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I, James Tiberius Kirk, of Riverside, Iowa, Captain of the USS Enterprise in the Federation Starfleet, do make and declare my last will and testament as follows:

To my mother, Winona Kirk, I leave all my possession left in her residence as well as the entirety of my Starfleet pension.

To my longtime friend and partner in mischief, Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Chief Medical Officer of the USS Enterprise, I leave my shot glass collection, currently stored in Starfleet storage locker #KP-64917. As there is a fair chance that he is the last doctor to see to my care, I would also like to remind him it's not his fault that I'm stupid enough to die on him. For Dr. McCoy's daughter, Joanna McCoy, there is an encased credit chip in the same locker, to be used towards her future educational and traveling expenses.

As for the rest of the content of Starfleet storage locker #KP-64917, I leave them to Lieutenant Nyota Uhura. Dear Lieutenant, please note that aside from the manuscripts I received on Xeron, your data chip from Prof. Vasiliev's Advanced Romulan Semantics course is also there. I'm sorry I took it from you.

To the other officers on Enterprise—Helmsman Hikaru Sulu, Navigator Pavel Chekov and Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott: Dr. McCoy knows where my secret alcohol stash is. You three are quite welcome to it as long as you are not sad drunks. (Mr. Chekov, for my own sake and yours, I do hope you are of the legal drinking age by the time this document comes into effect.)

There is a 10,000 to 1 high-detail replica model of the Enterprise on loan from me to the Starfleet Museum. I would be honored if Admiral Christopher Pike would take ownership of that model.

Lastly, to Commander Spock, my First Officer and better half, I leave all my papers, my 3D chessboard, and anything else that he sees fit to take from my personal quarters on the U.S.S Enterprise. I would also like to remind him that in Starfleet storage locker #KP-64916 there is the deed to that New Mexico ranch I always told him we'd retire to, even though he's never seen it. Above all else, I entrust my memories to him, and he will have the final executive power on all matters related to my estate. I.e., dear Starfleet Academy, please harass Spock for alumni donation from now on, not me. Should any movie studio wish to receive permission to make an epic movie about my life, they should find the best looking actor there is and ask Spock, not my mother.

Anything and everything else to my name, upon Commander Spock's authorization, should be disposed of in the most discreet and environmentally friendly manner possible. Spock, if you love me (and I know you do), please don't let them find our video collections, ever.

I have hereunto submitted my biometric information and seal, Stardate 2261.04.

James T. Kirk

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