Date: 08/15/2008 5:05 PM Title: Complete story
You have good ideas here. I don't know if English is or is not your native language (if it isn't, congratulations for being able to write in a nonnative tongue), but there are too many spelling and grammatical errors for me, personally, to be able to enjoy your work as it ought to be enjoyed. I don't mean to be insulting, and it's true I'm a fairly harsh critic. I hope as you keep writing you'll find a helpful beta reader, because there is good work here in terms of content and emotion and plot. It just needs to be cleaned up structurally.
Author's Response: Thank you for your observation. I will check on the version I posted. I thought it was the edited one that was published in Thyla.