Date: 08/01/2018 3:04 AM Title: Chapter 1
I tried sending a comment then got logged out so not sure if it went through.
I enjoyed your story. The characters seemed themselves to me. I liked the exchanges they had as they seemed bona fide to me. I especially liked this line: “It’s a slightly different form of communication, I would think.” when they were acknowledging their difficulty in communicating.
I did get a bit confused in perspective at times. Perhaps I just need to re-read it.
If you don't mind me asking, when was this story meant to have occurred (or did you not have a particular time period in mind).
this takes place pretty much immediately after s2 episode 19 a private little war i can understand now where not knowing that could be confusing - i had seen the episode not long beforehand is all i didnt really take into account i should add in a note on that
it's all from Kirk's perspective, as well. it was meant to be some kind of character study looking into his relationship with all his damn trauma, but the end result was a bit too haphazard for me to claim it as exactly that : )))) either way, no shifts in perspective here. all italicised dialogue is meant to confuse though - it was supposed to be some sort of evidence to how things other people say to you or you hope for them to say can get very muddled when youre not in your right mind but ah, i am a lowly amateur, perfect execution is not in my book yet
thank you for taking the time to review i very very much appreciate it