Date: 06/26/2017 5:24 PM Title: Chapter 1
Just when you think that things can settle down you remind us that the problems Spock had are not just related to a severed digit. I'd forgotten the earlier assault at the start of the mission. Thank God for Dr Puri's clinical acumen
Date: 06/21/2017 12:25 PM Title: Chapter 1
I don't believe I have commented on this story before, and for that I deeply apologize because this is one hell of an epic you've been weaving. You have crafted an amazing story and, regardless of how painful it is at times, it has a lot of compelling ideas and deep raw emotions that it deserves far more praise than I could imagined.
At this latest chapter, you asked our options about returning the shawl. I think I have to go against the majority of reviewers at this time and vote against returning the shawl, at least temporarily.
Spock is strong and brave, that's true, but everyone has their limits, and Spock's been through the wringer more times than most people and he survived but certainly not unscathed. Vulcans feel more acutely than humans; they just have a long history of repressing them. And that's basically what I see Spock doing if he gets the shawl back; just repressing everything painful that it brings up and adding additional shame at himself for feeling emotional because of an inanimate object. So just another couple of pounds of pressure on top of all the fear, pain and loss he experienced during childhood. Sooner or later, the pressure has to escape somewhere and the cafeteria scene, however justified, has already shown the there are cracks in the dam.
Spock has already lost so much just in this one mission: his child whose soul is forever lost, a lover who was murdered out of hatred of his ancestry, his dignity at being forced to beg forgiveness and mutilation at the hands of the society that condoned these murders as acceptable retribution for crimes Spock never committed. The shawl could just as easily serve as a physical reminder of everything that was lost and what could never be. It was started with love and now will remain forever incomplete because it's creator was taken before her time, all because Spock (in his mind) could not remain professional and gave in to an emotional need (however beautiful is was at the time). And even though Spock doesn't realize it yet, even after all the sacrifice, Spock might lose what little he has left if Pike decides to shelve him because he is deemed too broken and compromised to work in space again. Spock's reaction to the shawl just may end up providing additional ammunition for Pike to decide against Spock's suitability to continue serving on a ship.
I feel for Puri's hesitance for returning the shawl. While regulations say it is only right to return a person's property, his gut is telling him to wait. Puri only has Spock's best interests at heart and if he feels this much turmoil about returning such an item, then his instincts probably know more about Spock's state of mind than either of them realizes. In my opinion, the shawl should remain locked away so Spock doesn't abuse its existence to mentally flagellate himself with it. That is not to say that the shawl will never be returned to him ever; just give Spock enough time to heal before handing him something with the potential to reopen such deep wounds. Perhaps mail it back to Starfleet HQ with a sealed apology/explanation letter and instructions to return to Spock after a few years have passed.
First of all, I am absolutely honored that you wrote me such a long, detailed review. I love, absolutely LOVE long reviews. Secondly, please don't apologize for not reviewing earlier. I am just glad that you chose to write one now. Now, about this story. Well, you can tell that this story means a lot to me. I started it as a way to improve my writing skills and to work through stuff in my own life. Now, it has taken on a life of its own. I totally see where you're coming from. He is tormented enough at this point that receiving that shawl can tip him over the edge. And it is a very real possibility! Secondly, while Pike doesn't actually want to let go of him, he is in a rather tough place because he is having to think ahead. And we have no way of knowing how this will affect Spock. To be fair, a human would certainly have broken by now in all likelihood (unless said human was Jim Kirk!). I do think you have sound advice in terms of why the shawl should not be returned to Spock just yet. I will sleep on it and hopefully, the next chapter will have answers for both of us. Once again, thank you so much for leaving a review. I hope I'll hear from you again :)
Date: 06/21/2017 12:13 PM Title: Chapter 1
I think Puri must give the shawl to Spock, but only when his mental condition has improved. Just in case Spock has to leave the ship now, for some reason, then Puri must give it to him now. It's like the T'Amun's last kissfor Spock, and it belongs to him.
Not sure about Pike and his lost in faith in Spock...I'm sure he wants to support/understand him, but he does have to think as The Captain, who is responsible for the upcoming missions as well as for safety of the crew. There is a chance that Spock develops into a "loose gun", due to his tremendous losses and pains, so...Pike must make a command decision, which is rarely comforting.
You are right. Pike is certainly not comfortable with all these doubts he's having. But as one reviewer pointed it, it might be because Pike doesn't realize that Spock is not human. He is half Vulcan. And hence, his experience of trauma is different. But yes, what Spock has gone through is too much even for him. He could totally turn into a loose cannon. Let's see what happens. I am still working on the next chapter and trying to answer these questions in my own mind. Thank you so much for leaving me a review. It means a lot to me.
Date: 06/21/2017 7:34 AM Title: Chapter 68
I think it would be good for Spock to have the shawl. It would give him some comfort. Also, Pike should let Spock stay on his track. Spock is stronger than he thinks. Keep up with this amazing work.
Thank you. You are as faithful as ever. I am not yet sure about the shawl. Let's see what happens. I'm still working on the next chapter. Pike is being a bit of an idiot. But I wonder if it is because he's stressed out too!
Date: 06/21/2017 3:31 AM Title: Chapter 68
I don't think I've made a comment before although I have been reading for a while. You certainly have gotten poor Spock into an undesirable condition, haven't you, lol? While I disagree with some of your premises for the story, I think that one of the traits that Spock is universally admited for is his courage and strength. He offers his life repeatedly to save Jim Kirk and other crew members. He volunteers for missions that he knows are likely suicidal. And finally, if you consider the movies canon, he does offer his life for his shipmates and his captain. That takes a tremendous amount of strength and courage so if you think that Spock will eventually be strengthened by this course of his life then I say go for it.
OH MY GOD!!!! You left me a review. I'm so happy. Okay....sorry for the overexcitement but you're like one of most senior people in the fandom and you knew Star Trek when it first happened. So, pardon me for the emotion. I'm not Vulcan, after all. Now, about the story. Well, my Spock is in this undesirable condition because there is so much he's still learning about himself. And I am new to the Trek fandom so I am probably making mistakes. Also, yes, I am a firm believer that the finest steel has to go through the hottest fire. Unfortunately, Spock is having to learn his humanity through such terrible ways that this story has become one big angst-fest. However, I promise you that none of this is gratuitous. Besides, like many writers, I am using Spock to deal with a number of things in my own life. Though I wish I was as nice a person as he is. Lol. In any case, I value your feedback A LOT. Thank you so much for leaving me feedback. I sincerely hope I will hear from you again.
Date: 06/21/2017 12:22 AM Title: Chapter 68
Yes and the shawls structure and smell might assist the healing trance.
Pike needs to understand Spock is Vulcan and to stop reacting as if he should respond like a human. He has no idea Spock suffered far much more stress in the past. But I also think that there is something here Pike knoes about why Spock was sent on the mission.
Thank You so much for the review. I haven't answered reviews in ages but I feel I should do it now. I am still not sure about what effect the shawl would have on Spock. But I will think about it as I write the next chapter. And about Pike, I agree with you. Pike should be more understanding of Spock's situation, particularly because he knows all about Spock's past. I wonder if Pike is thinking about this whole thing as if what he'd be like if he were Spock. Great insight. I'm always glad to hear from you :)
Date: 06/19/2017 6:47 AM Title: Chapter 1
Sometimes the best chapters are the ones that are hardest. Only thing I would change is to have Amanda use kanbu the vulcan diminutive rather than baby.
I like the idea that Spock remained stoic through so much but that he defends T'Amun's memory with the deep emotion that simmers beneath all vulcans. That resonates with me. I also like your portrayal of Dr Puri and the contrast with other fleet medics.
Date: 06/17/2017 4:15 AM Title: Chapter 1
The future of a planet in the balance and factions so foolish that they don't see what is going on. Sounds familiar and all the more disturbing for that. But enough of alegorical reading, i am itching to know how this will affect Spock's dealings with his flat mates on his return from the mission to say nothing of the decisions T'Pring will make and their implications.