Date: 05/10/2016 2:48 PM Title: Chapter 1
This story reads exactly as you say it was written, it just flows from the beginning to the end and before I knew it there was the end I somehow wished it went on and on. Thanks for an enjoyable read!
Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed!
Date: 05/08/2016 3:35 PM Title: Chapter 1
I liked your story but have a suggestion. It would be nice to have dialogue from the characters in it, too. Dialogue breaks up the ongoing narrative and makes it more interesting. The characters tell the story instead of the writer. One of the things I remember most about my writing classes is the instructor's emphasis on having the characters tell the story, not the writer. I think that will help your writing, too. Good luck!
Thank you for reviewing! I do like wrighting dialogue, and I usually do when I write anything that's a bit longer, but for this one it felt like the dialogue would've broken up the feel of the story. Although it may just the way my sleep deprived brain insisted on doing it :D