Date: 07/22/2014 2:21 AM Title: Rain
Oh wow! I feel as if I had been holding my breath from the first to the last line! The intensity of it!!! You manage to convey through the language of Spock's mindvoice so much of his inner landscape, the strength and solidity of his love, the unwavering focus on making Jim survive, the willingness to give all he has for the other's safety, even when the chance of saving him is wearing thin.
I love the samurai-like Spock in combat mode, the noble gesture of the enemies' leader who retreates with a salute to a more than worthy oponent, Spock honouring the souls of those who have died by his hand.
You have condensed Spock's essence in these lines and it shines bright like a diamond or like sunshine reflected in raindrops.
Thank you so much for sharing!
Oh, angelocustode, you have done it again! I read this review several times, and your use of words is, again, perfection. Write some poetry!!! :) I'm so glad you liked this story, and thank you again for reading and reviewing. I want to write something else just to see what you'll say about it! -C
Date: 07/21/2014 4:20 AM Title: Rain
Experimenting with writing first person POV? It was beautiful, poetic, like a pre-Surakian warrior ballad. Since Spock is interested in poetry, I guess he read many of those :)
Yup, doing a little experimenting. :) missBAMF likened it to poetry, too; and what a wonderful, complimentary way to think of it! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! -C
Date: 07/21/2014 2:17 AM Title: Rain
This...this is what I needed to come home from a long shift at work to read. *sighs* This read sort of like a dream, and also like a poem.
My first thought then was to go to you, and I took several steps before I fell to crawl the rest of the way, sensing your life as a beacon to my own. You were lying on your side, your face deathly pale, but your eyes were still open and there were tears there. You could no longer speak, and I no longer wished to, simply lying down next to you and reaching for your hand. You allowed me to take it, allowed me to hold my mind open to you, and I could sense your emotions now uncluttered, unrushed, unburdened. I felt your anguish, your torment, and, ultimately, your love. This last was a powerful, overwhelming, unexpected thing, and yet my mind, trained to logic and forbearance, thrilled to it. Needed it, as rain on a desert, as an answer to a fundamental question. I cursed my forbearance now, my resistance and my ignorance. We should have had more time. I felt your fingers tighten on mine, and your eyes slowly filled with realization and instinctive denial. You knew then that I was dying, and every particle of your being railed against it, against the relentless flow of my blood onto the dirt, against the drifting of my mind into the darkness. And I could feel that encroaching darkness, now, my gaze meeting yours firmly, urgently, feeling your strength and your love and forcing myself to believe that it was enough.
was such a beatiful paragraph. I mean, just beautiful. (the whole thing was beautiful) but this part really stuck out to me. and then at the end where he says that Jim tasted of rain. I love kisses in the rain!!!
Hey there! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I was feeling sentimental, and wanted to try something new, and this story kind of spilled out. :) I'm glad you liked it! -C