Reviews For Freshman
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Reviewer: Dunyazad Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/23/2014 6:03 PM Title: Chapter 1: Meeting

I can tell this is going to be an interesting series. It is well-written and engaging. One thing interests me: It seems that this story is being told from Kirk's point of view, and you take the reader "inside Kirk's head" from the very beginning. But there are a few places where the point of view switches abrupty from Kirk to Spock, and one place where Spock does something that Kirk doesn't see, although we are told about it: "As he left the assembly hall, Jim snatched his room key, not noticing the Vulcan taking the same key from behind him." 

One view about narrating a story is that there should be some kind of clear break before the perspective changes from one character's point of view to another character's point of view. Don't know if this makes sense, but thought I would mention it and ask what you think.

Reviewer: angelocustode Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/20/2014 10:07 AM Title: Epilogue: Stranger

That's one man under a potent illusion: Khan doesn't seem the one you can ask not to kill anybody.



Author's Response:

That is why it's a plot point, because Aaron wants revenge, but he's not a killer. And you said it-Khan can never be trusted. Obviously he just wants to gain confidence; he just doesn't have enough resources to try and kill everyone yet. He has to start slowly until the campus is in chaos, and then he can try and take over. But he sees how vulnerable aaron is, so Aaron is the tool, not khan. :)

Great point :)

Reviewer: angelocustode Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/20/2014 10:02 AM Title: Chapter 14: Departure

Well, all those people could have started kissing earlier, not just at the end of the year when they have to part!

Reviewer: angelocustode Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/20/2014 9:56 AM Title: Chapter 13: Finals

It's not as if the chapters didn't make sense, your readers trust you to gather all the loose ends together eventually - maybe after having tamed the Shrew. :)

Reviewer: angelocustode Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/19/2014 1:25 AM Title: Chapter 12: Valentine's Day Dance

Advise for the next chapters? I'd say, start to get them together. Slow building is ok, but too slow risks to lose the reader's attention.

Reviewer: angelocustode Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/17/2014 12:42 AM Title: Chapter 10: Christmas

I much liked it that you skipped the scene of the friends chasing Leila from Spock's room to tell it afterwards in retrospect.

Reviewer: Sera Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 05/16/2014 5:53 PM Title: Chapter 9: Downtime Interrupted

Fine. I'm eager to see when Jim realises his feelings for Spock.

Reviewer: angelocustode Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/15/2014 10:39 AM Title: Chapter 9: Downtime Interrupted

No, not so bad after all this chapter. It only makes me think that this Accademy campus is not a very safe place. ;)

 

Reviewer: angelocustode Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/12/2014 1:58 AM Title: Chapter 8:Thanksgiving and Black Friday

I always prefer seeing Spock's affection directed to Jim exclusively, but you go ahead and do what you think right.

Reviewer: Sera Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 05/10/2014 7:49 PM Title: Chapter 7: Memories and Christine

It seems that Jim is not really clear what he wants... and he is very attract to Spock. :-) Even he doesn`t know. ;-)

Reviewer: angelocustode Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: 05/10/2014 1:07 AM Title: Chapter 6: Attack on S.A. Tower

Quite some action in here - it needs a fair amount of suspension of disbelief, but I admit I wasn't able to stop reading.

Reviewer: Sera Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 05/09/2014 7:59 PM Title: Chapter 5: First Date(s)

So Jim and Carol gets closer :( and Spock takes the help from Christine. ;-)

Reviewer: Sera Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 05/07/2014 7:45 PM Title: Chapter 3

you are right. It's cute. ;-)

Reviewer: angelocustode Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: 05/07/2014 1:53 AM Title: Chapter 5: First Date(s)

I'm quite curious as to how the newly formed relationships will be going to evolve.

Reviewer: Sera Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/06/2014 7:51 PM Title: Chapter 1: Meeting

An good start. I like it.

Reviewer: sunshine Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/05/2014 2:17 AM Title: Chapter 1: Meeting

I really like it so far!

Reviewer: angelocustode Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/03/2014 1:00 AM Title: Chapter 3

I like it when Spock is being protective and hope he will soon change his mind about not entering into a relationship with anyone.

Reviewer: angelocustode Signed [Report This]
Date: 05/02/2014 1:17 AM Title: Chapter 2

Having them all together in an academy setting feels a bit strange, but I am nevertheless looking foreward to the story's developments.

Reviewer: angelocustode Signed [Report This]
Date: 04/29/2014 5:46 AM Title: Chapter 1: Meeting

Promising beginning, keep going!

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