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Reviewer: T nash-veh Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 09/10/2013 11:26 PM Title: Chapter 1

I do know one person who beta's for me who is excellent and is a native U.S. speaker and that is Pamdizzle.  She is frequently busy, but does a wonderful job of editing.  Here is a link: http://ksarchive.com/viewuser.php?uid=8943.  If she's busy and you want a little quick help, I would be willing to help, but I know that I am not as proficient as Pamdizzle.  I'm sure there are other good betas too - she's just my 'go-to' person.

Reviewer: T nash-veh Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 08/24/2013 3:58 PM Title: Chapter 1

Your story is a lot of fun!  Considering that you are writing this as a second language it is amazingly well done.  I wish I knew another language well enough to write in it.  I really think 1) you should DEFINITELY keep writing because you have wonderful ideas. You have a strong sense of who the characters are, and a great grasp of what might be fun for readers, but also 2) I think you should see if you can find someone to beta your stories who has English as their first language.  A beta could help you by pointing out when your wording isn't perfectly in keeping with the oddities of English grammer.  Little things that can distract a reader.  But if you aren't comfortable getting a beta - DON'T stop writing and posting!  You are very good and I am sure you will just keep improving with every story.  Dunyazad gave you wonderful advice on writing Spock's point of view.  I very much agree.  A beta would also help you catch little things that are easy to miss in the excitement of writing - or that tools like spell-check sometimes don't catch.  (For example in one of my recent stories, my beta helped me catch places where I hadn't capitalized Vulcan.  I knew better - but was just writing so fast I missed it, and still missed it when I read it through quickly).  Thank you so much for sharing this story.  I really enjoyed it.



Author's Response:

Finding a beta is deffinitelly a good point a thought about that too. But Igm not sure where to look for one. I usualy do beta-reading for other people or I write in my native. I got quite an interesting idea for another story, so I possibly ask someone to beta me in the AN. 

Yeah, and thanks very much for such a nice review :)

Reviewer: Dunyazad Signed [Report This]
Date: 08/23/2013 10:36 PM Title: Chapter 1

There's nothing more fun than some really, really shameless flirting ... er, stimulation ... on the bridge, especially when Kirk knows exactly what Spock is thinking and feeling and shamelessly eggs him on. I like it when Kirk is tuned into Spock enough to figure it out.

I am impressed that you wrote this in a second language because I sure couldn't write that well in my second language. Sometimes the way you have Spock speak is right on target, for example when he responds to Kirk, "Affirmative." I think a good rule of thumb for getting Spock "right" is to remember that he speaks formally, but not pedantically (except when he's teasing Kirk or McCoy), For example, he doesn't say "Sure," as we would; he would say "yes" or "affirmative" instead. He doesn't use contractions; he would say "would not" instead of "wouldn't." On the other hand, a Spock who is so formal he sounds stilted does not ring true to my ears, either.

Here's hoping you keep writing these fics, and I look forward to the next one.



Author's Response:

That's a good point about the contractions, I've never realized that but now as you said that I tried to concentrte more when watching. I love the way how Spock says: "Preciously" Aww :) And thanks for reviewing :)

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