Date: 04/06/2013 8:31 PM Title: That's Gotta Suck...lol
Holy hell that is good! Dayamn! Damn damn damn you are making this hard! And the definition of cruelty.... making me write another one before you follow up with the 'blossoming hope' and fix my broken soul after reading this!
It's actually fucking brilliant.
What a poem!
Lol, Thank you so much for saying so. You set the bar high, I'm just happy you appear to think I managed to ascend to it. At any rate, this one took some effort. I had trouble finding good wordage, LOL. <3 *blush* Your kind words make me squee! :)
Date: 04/06/2013 7:09 PM Title: That's Gotta Suck...lol
Wow...you are very good at this. Every little paragraph has something happening where I can follow. The moment Jim sees Spock on the bridge...his heart beats so rapidly, and then falls when Spock just ignores him....it was so painful to see, and you described that well...
It is very sad, I wish I could explain more of how I feel reading this...but words escape me.
What I always try to do in poetry is to bring the whole thing full circle...Usually, the theme is at the beginning...perhaps the title, and ending it again with the same theme..
You also used musical references, in your little paragraghps...Like for example...song, chorus, measure...
Jim feels like he's the only one holding the flame, thinking that perhaps there is a chance they'll resolve their differences..but that scene on the bridge, spoke volumes...and he really believes that flame is now extinct.
Wow, thank you Denise. That really means a lot coming from you and you got it exactly. The whole thing revolved around the expression of their love as a song that Jim's heart used to dance to. That's where all the references come from, and for a moment, his heart was ready to dance again, but Spock's final act of indifference has completely destroyed it's will. I am SO glad you caught on. :) <3
Date: 04/06/2013 5:28 PM Title: That's Gotta Suck...lol
It's so dramatic and reads like a Victorian poem infused with modernism. I really like it--especially the line "My stoild statue of a love." Thanks for posting.
Awwwwwww, thank you <3
Date: 04/06/2013 5:15 PM Title: That's Gotta Suck...lol
the poem battle :P nice one^^ was it supposed to rhyme? some of them were a little wonky. But all in all I really liked it - it summed their relationship up pretty neatly....^^
It sort of rhymes. Not in the way of perfect iambic pentameter but if you read with the pauses indicated by the commas, it SHOULD, for the most part at least read with a rythm and slight rhyme.
But thank you for the reivew and the stars. :) I hope you are enjoying our poem war. lol.