Date: 01/18/2015 12:32 AM Title: Chapter 2
I have to be honest, I loved the first chapter a lot more than the 2nd. I kept wishing 2nd chapter would move along faster and get to the point - or the good stuff. Seemed too tame compared to ch 1. :-) Loving the story overall tho!
I'm not sure how I missed your review - must have been busy in January! I do thank you very much for sharing your comments. I agree that chapter one is much more intense, and I love it that way. I wrote it as a stand alone and then later a comment made me consider how they might be 'afterwards' and while I rather like what was created, I agree that it just doesn't quite do justice / hold its own with the first chapter. There are points where I feel like Jim's a little too wimpy too.
Date: 06/25/2014 4:18 PM Title: Chapter 2
Also, ich tue mich schwer mit Kritik, Lob ist schöner. Ich mag die Geschichte und bin
allen Schriftstellern die ihre Fantasie und ihre Arbeiten hier mit mir teilen und schenken
unendlich dankbar für fast jede Story.
Ich liebe Geschichten die außer Sex etwas mehr Hintergund, Geschichte haben und dass wäre bei dieser Geschichte meine Kritik.
Wenn ich mir etwas wünschen darf, dann bitte Geschichten mit etwas mehr.......
und die hier mag ich trotzdem und deine Arg zu schreiben mag ich auch.
Also vor allem
Ach, ja und ich finde auch es ist zu TOS und AB lesbar.
Gott sei dank!
Ich freue mich auch über jede Geschichte die sich nicht so klar in ein Universum festlegt.
Bin leider ein alter TOS-Fan der ersten Stunden,so etwa 1972 und kann mich noch für AU erwärmen aber am AB-Universum habe ich keine allzu große Freude!
Also für alles Danke
Danke so sehr für Ihre Bewertung!
Babelfish früher habe ich um es zu übersetzen, da ich bin einer von diesen unglücklichen Amerikaner kennt nur ein klein wenig von anderen Sprachen, und ich hoffe ich richtig verstanden habe was du mir sagen wolltest.
Und ich bin mit Babelfish für diese Antwort.
Ich glaube, Sie sagten, dass Sie gerne diese Geschichte besser, gäbe es mehr Geschichte, mehr Hintergrund, was passiert ist, bevor die Geschichte des Geschlechts zwischen ihnen erzählt wurde.
Das ist eine gute Kritik und ich schätze es! Vielleicht eines Tages ich mehr schreiben und aktivieren Sie diese in eine wirklich vollständige Geschichte und nicht nur ein Auszug.
Du bist meine erste deutschsprachige Kritiker! 1 Million Danke!
Ich besuchte Deutschland für etwa eine Woche in den 1980er Jahren; Heidelberg, München und Rothenburg Ob der Tauber, wo ich die besten Sacher-Torte meines Lebens hatte.
Es war alles sehr schön und Sie werden lachen, aber ich vermisse immer noch den Geschmack von dem Brot und Butter gibt! So sehr lecker.
Munchen Angst fast, dass ich es war so sauber und ordentlich, dass ich im Vergleich ungepflegt empfunden!
Sie werden nie erraten, was ich in München – ein deutsch-Print 1983 Ausgabe von Der Entropie-Effekt gekauft! Ich habe es immer noch.
Ich auch Liebe TOS am besten aber muss zugeben, dass die neuen Schauspieler in den Filmen Spaß zu sehen, sind, auch wenn ich glaube nicht, dass ihre Charaktere sind sehr komplex und interessant wie die Originale.
Date: 03/21/2014 10:56 AM Title: Chapter 1
A very good and original take on the classic 'morning after' scene. So Spock reverts to an older type in his sleep, huh?
I like that you describe the inner thoughts so thoroghly, but I feel (higly subjective, please note) that it's a bit too much back-and-forth with the emotions. May I elaborate?
First Spock is protective - Kirk gets scared
Kirk is humoring Spock - Spock is worried
Kirk is rational - Spock is rational
Kirk is enjoying the massage - Spock gets brave and tries a kiss
Spock is passive - Kirk gets angry
Spock is passive - Kirk wants to kiss him
Spock wants to get kissed - Kirk is passive
Spock consideres taking what he wanted - Kirk kisses him
Spock is controlling his response - Kirk is upset by the lack of reaction
Spock is rational - Kirk is (false) stern
Aaand then things get going again. In a very, very good way. Now I'm all for anticipation and all, but perhaps the pace in this part could pick up a bit. Alternatively, some more action could be interspersed with all this thinking and inferring.
Later you mention that [and that thick green hairless cock stood upright in the midst of more springy midnight hair.] (What a quote!). I think this a good example of when mentioning one thing makes people assume that the opposite could have happened. What on earth/Vulcan do I mean? Well, I would assume most cocks are hairless and it's not something that needs pointing out. Therfore I immediately start thinking what a hairy one would look like.
When the story comes to an end, it feels very far removed from the beginning. The entire atmosphere is so different that the scene with the anger and the blood was in another life. If -and I mean if- you want to bring the two ends of the story together, you could easily do so with a mentioning 'the restraints on the floor' or something like that. Perhaps you have already decided against this, if so, ignore the suggestion.
And finally, I like it when you contrast the green blush with the pink blush. Please do that in all stories!
Oh, my, how you had me laughing out loud in enjoyment of this review! YES! You are quite right! 'hairless cock' must go. roflmao. Oh, dear. And yes, I agree there is probably just a little too much teeter-totter in the emotional byplay here. A little restraint might be better. You make a good point about these two parts being a little too well separated at the end, and I did always intend to bring in a third chapter to provide a little resolution, and just haven't gotten around to it. I will definitely add your comments to my notes for future work on this little story. Thank you once again so much for your very fun reviews Hee hee. 'hairless will shortly become 'smooth'.
Date: 03/21/2014 10:20 AM Title: Chapter 1
Jims clumsy attempts to explain himself is very endearing, especially so as he could have stormed out without a word instead. But he wouldn't do that to Spock, would he? I get the impression that Spock understand the explanation better than he lets on, since he proceeds to give Kirk what he needs better than he could get it himself.
Getting involved in the intricasies of male anatomy for a moment - just 'cause I like the subject - the balls don't really empty on orgasm, do they? I mean that is where sperm is made, but not stored. I know they contract, so perhaps that could be used instead in the phrase [his pounding heart and emptying balls.].
Since you did ask, I suspect this story is Abramsverse, because in TOS they had no holodeck. There were plans to include one in season three but they didn't have the budget. (I gladly ignored this fact in my story and put in a 'prototype' of a holodeck that is there for beta-testing.)
Chapter 1 typo:
[stung in a different way when his feet look him outside that] *took
Oh, how I love your reviews! They are such fun and very thoughtful. I'm pretty sure I must have take the term 'emptying balls' from something I read once upon a time - it doesn't really seem like something I would have conjured up all on my lonesome. However what I like about the phrase is it conveys (to me) the sense of what someone might be feeling from the inside out, as opposed to being and exterior observation. Sorry about this, but like 'emptying bladder'. I wish I could tell you that I knew that balls empty on orgasm, but unfortunately (or fortunately?) my husband hasn't so far been interested in having so frank a discussion about the mechanics of his plumbing (I'm dying to ask him now though). I do so wish I had a male writer to confer with on proper description of male physiological experience. Hmmm. I will have to work on that. Of course, as always thank you SO much for catching the typo! I will go fix that right away.
Date: 10/25/2013 7:06 AM Title: Chapter 2
Trying... to... focus on typing... brain short-circuited...
Holy sh*t this was awesome! A definite improvement from the 1st chapter, and a decidedly hot piece of slash. Not only the action, but the sweetness and clumsiness of Jim in the beginning was absolutely endearing. I'm so glad they were finally able to understand each other :)
The only criticism I have is about the phrase "like the moon over Vulcan". The Vulcan homeworld, natively known as T'Khasi, has no moons. (http://stexpanded.wikia.com/wiki/Vulcan_(planet))
Oh - thank you so much for pointing out there is no Vulcan moon! I'll have to get that fixed. And I'm so pleased you read and enjoyed and commented. I do so LOVE getting comments, and yours is so wonderful - thank you for pointing out what you enjoyed.
Date: 09/02/2013 9:32 AM Title: Chapter 1
A very nice idea, although the language is a bit rough for my taste. The ending is sweet :)
Oh, thank you so much for reviewing and commenting. Yes, I think I could soften the swearing and it might improve this story a bit. Got a little carried away with the vulgarity. I'm pleased you liked the ending. I hope you will read and comment on Chapter 2 as well. I have it in mind to clean these chapters up a bit, and add another chapter or perhaps two, and all comments will be taken into consideration.
Date: 04/07/2013 2:59 PM Title: Chapter 2
Great chapter. I enjoyed how awkward they were once both were full awake. Of course the sex was hot and the emotions expressed were done well. I won't ask for another chapter but I would like to see where they sit down and both parties lay everything bare...
Lol - can't decide if the 'lay everything bare' was deliberate tongue in cheek or not, but love it either way. I do have a placeholder doc for possibly doing more with this later, they do need to talk, don't they! Thank you so much for commmenting!
Date: 04/03/2013 2:17 AM Title: Chapter 2
I really like this second part especially. The alternating pov, the way Spock craved closeness, for it to be a hug... The way Jim brought them to climax together in his hand... The way Spock growled bc his mate was being taken away... How Spock explained thyla... Very emotionally satisfying. I would love to see a third chapter why Spock has to fess up about the growling and they finally do the talking they've been putting off... But some more lovemaking woulsn't amiss :)
What a lovely response! Thank you. It helps so much to know what people find satisfying. Hmmm, ok - will give some thought to Chapter 3, and maybe just a little revision of the first two as people let me know of things that are 'off'.
Date: 04/03/2013 12:28 AM Title: Chapter 2
holy mother of . . . this was scorching. Please tell me there is more.
More?! More??? Oh, my gosh, .... more? LOLOL. Ah, well, maybe something more will come - I did just have an idea for a bit of a poem I want to sneak into a story somewhere ... hmmm.. Thank you so very much for commenting. See, I was going to let it be done, but now ...
Date: 04/02/2013 8:27 PM Title: Chapter 1
Damn, this was good. Your words are like poetry to me. I love Jim telling Spock to watch them both...when he says look at us...this was just yummy hot...Awesome job...speaking of the word awesome, it's cute to hear Spock say it as well.
Awww! I feel like I just got a great big hug. I'm so very happy you enjoyed it. This place is a very bad ... or very good? influence on me. I get all kinds of new ideas all the time (having Jim wanting Spock to watch them was one of those 'new' ideas). I also wasn't sure about Spock repeating the word awesome - worried people might think it was uncharacteristic. But I think he'd say it to make Jim smile. Glad it all worked for you and THANK you for telling me that it did!
Date: 04/02/2013 7:26 PM Title: Chapter 2
Unbelievably hot, I am so glad you wrote that second part. Wow. Loved it.
Yippee! So happy you enjoyed it. Tried hard to get Spock POV different from how Jim saw him, but still keep all the wording and action the same! Thank you so so much for commenting.
Date: 04/02/2013 10:02 AM Title: Chapter 2
Is this mirror? I can easily imagine it as such..... loving this...
No, not mirror. To be honest, this just kinda fell right out of my head one day - not planned out at all. I like it as non-mirror, but someday I DO want to do a mirror story. Just need to figure out what I think the mirror boys are thinking before I write it. Not there yet. Thank you so much for the comments.
Date: 04/02/2013 9:51 AM Title: Chapter 1
(Does handstands!) I like your work! (You know that, obviously, but I really like that you are writing this sort of thing now/again/still/etc).
Oh - thank you so much for reviewing. Can never have enough comment lol!
Date: 04/02/2013 6:11 AM Title: Chapter 2
*purr* that was really nice ^.^ although you could probably have spent one or two sentences more in which you describe the shift of their personalities... because spock was in the last chapter so purely dominant and in the beginning of this as well, but somehow they practically swapped places... they did it so smoothly that I just sat here for a few moments afterwards and had to let the whole thing go through my head again... it's really smooth and beautiful, but I think a little more explanation wouldn't have been amiss. at least to explain spock's 'I'm a dominant tiger' to 'I'm a cuddly kitten' transformation^^
but, as I said, I really enjoyed it! good work!
You're absolutely right! I just realized as I was reading your review that in my head (but not in the story) that in Chapter 1 Spock was as much giving Jim some much needed relief from responsibility and tension as he was indulging himself. In Chapter 2, Spock is more his 'normal' self, and Jim can take charge in a way that is more natural to him 'most' of the time. I truly appreciate the reivew - it helps SO much to know what readers are thinking. I will think about how I might work that bit of thought-process into the story.
Date: 03/20/2013 7:18 AM Title: Chapter 1
I would definitely like to be a fly on the wall when Jim wakes up! Excellent story, very good balance.
Thank you! Oh, feedback is so nice. I am trying to work on that followup story as the muses allow. I'm finding Jim to be alittle uncooperative at present. He insists on being inconsistent and I keep trying to prod him 'round to my way of thinking.