Date: 10/05/2012 2:55 AM Title: Stay
I liked this. I don't know why but Worry followed by Shame seemed EXACTLY right to me. Got me thinking that he is a bit of a worry-wort - almost as much so as Bones - just hides it better. I'm on the fence with the rhyming though. On the one hand - it really works! Nice rhythm and plenty of space for breath. I like the sparseness. Find myself wanting to know - what place, what time - what did Jim do?! On the other hand, for some reason I just can't see Spock rhyming - even in his head ... so it distracts me a little from waht he's feeling/thinking/saying. But that's probably just me ... easily distracted lol. (Now Leonard Nimoy - him I can definitely see rhyming - giggle).
I was pretty busy and didn't have time for a long read - so THANK you for posting something that is such a sweet representation of Spock. Now I want to write ... and I just don't have time. Sigh. But you keep at it. I LIKE that this isn't all porny. Do more of this. A Jim POV next? Or if you're in the mood for funny - maybe Jim keeping a scoreboard on who's the bigger worry-wort; Spock or Bones? lol.
Lol. Thank you for the detailed review :) I'm very glad that you liked it. About the rhyming...if you read it slowly and imagine that it's Spock's voice, kind of rough and restrained...it fits. If you read it fast...I think it's less so. I wasn't really trying so hard to make sure it rhymed so much as that's just what came out, lol. I might do something with Jim...another exercise since I might not have time to write anything else today... :( Leh sigh...busy ass week. Can't wait until next week when things will be better on track. You and I are in the same boat--I need to write, I want to now that I've got the ideas kind of flowing again...but now I don't fucking have time! GRRR!
Thanks again! :D
Date: 10/04/2012 12:21 PM Title: Stay
Well, well, well, the new poetry girl has arrived. Have I met my match? I think so...I love your poem, and it rhymes which I adore...it flows so well....now if only my muse would come back and I could post some turgid cock..lol...
side note..Twice you have written Denis....last I checked I'm a girl dammit.
Love you, write more...
If I wanted to call you Dennis, I'd spell it that way, lol. My biggest problem with typos is missing letters at the end of words and skipping words entirely. Read some of my reveiw responses and see for yourself, lol.
Anyway, I'm so flattered that you liked my poem. I am not, however, in any way your match. What's it now Denise...? Like, 400 some odd poems on here now, LOL
Date: 10/04/2012 9:43 AM Title: Stay
It's lovely. It's funny to think that Spock would think in short sentences, when he is speaking he is just the opposite.. but I can imagine him thinking like this, and it makes him seem a little overwhelmed by the emotions, which makes the poetry more real.
Lol. You read the poem exactly right. He's having an internal struggle to which he eventually relents, but it's kind of like if you were being choked and trying to argue your way out of death, you know? He's got his back against a wall and all the things he's never wanted to fess up to are suddenly in his face and undeniable. I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for your kind review.... ;)
Date: 10/04/2012 12:54 AM Title: Stay
This is lovely, even without the turgid cock.
Lol. You know, my goal was to see how many readers I could get to say turgid cock in one review chain, LOL. Jk. I'm glad you liked it, despite it's 'short comings'. LOL
Date: 10/03/2012 8:54 PM Title: Stay
No Cock? What kind of foul magic is this? LOL
Okay enough of that on to the actually comment.
This was really moving. You get a real sense for what Spock is thinking and feelings towards what is happening between him and Kirk and though he can't explain it he has resigned himself to it. Very nice piece, even if there is no cock! haha
LOL. Jeez, one damn submission without cock or any promise thereof and everyone starts rolling in their office chair, lol. I MUST be bad...all this time, CMM was right...lol. I'm a perv, and I can't even dissuade this opinion with hearlt felt poetry, oh what is a girl to do?
Jk. Haha. Thank for the sweet review and I sincerely apologize that there is no cock...perhaps Denis is on to something with ponry pics...
Date: 10/03/2012 7:57 PM Title: Stay
LOL about Facebook. Great little post! Hope it got your Muse working again.
Love and cherries,
Lol. Yes, she and I are feeling distracted, with all this post-move clutter about. Difficult to concentrate on much of anything. :D Thank you for the stars!