Date: 03/15/2012 5:50 AM Title: Chapter 1
This is one of the ones that I read before and wanted to review but didn't have time. It's a good premise, but it's Jim's dialogue again that keeps me from being transported into story. :)
I re-read it last night myself... I don't know if I'd change the dialogue. Don't think so, but I might well write a similar scene a little differently in any future story I could yet find myself writing... I always do alter slightly with each story.