Date: 06/14/2010 12:45 AM Title: Chapter 1
Some truly beautiful imagery there.
So nice for the boys to get happy right away for once,
we all love the angst but it can be a little tedious at times.
They don't ALWAYS have to suffer first and this story is a perfect example of how the plot needn't suffer for the lack of angst.
Date: 03/06/2010 11:48 AM Title: Chapter 1
This was..different from what I usually read. Different and lovely. "Without breaking their contact, Jim assured him in no uncertain terms of his total forgiveness." I completely appreciated this line and how it combined so many moments so perfectly. Great job and kudos to Greywolf The Wanderer as well :)
Date: 10/19/2009 2:16 PM Title: Chapter 1
This story is too awesome to have as many distracting grammar errors as it does. I think it's so good that you should absolutely have someone beta it, b/c it's great and deserving of that editing love and attention.
So many fun, unexpeted metaphors, like the dolphins, Chutes and Ladders jefferies tubes, etc. It was a little weird that Kirk said he wasn't that drunk but then couldn't even walk. If you can't walk, you know you're drunk. And drinking as a plot-device for getting characters together for the first time is always irritating to me, yet because you wrote it so well I liked it anyway. Whee! For example, yay mind melds! You did a good job slipping from Kirk's pov to Spock's, and that's tricky stuff. Thumbs up!
Thank you for the compliments and the very appropriate criticisms, lol It was 4 am and I possibly put it up a bit premature. If you are willing (or anyone else for that matter) to beta it I would be happy to re post the result. Also I fumbled with copy paste function resulting in a wierd formatting (could have just uploded from google docs...now why didn't I think of that), as far as the whole "drunk, i'm not 'that' drunk" Kirk perspective could stand a little more inner dialouge, he knows he that drunk....he's just not pukeing sick yet.....it's a fine line.