Date: 11/17/2012 8:36 AM Title: Courts of Honor
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Date: 04/03/2012 3:24 PM Title: The Price
I have been dodging this story a few times now, I am not a big fan of OC's and rarely indulge in reading any story that supports them. But this story did get very good reviews so I decided to give it a try.
I will start by saying that personally, for me, you are an excellent writer and you deserve every ounce pf praise that is given to you on that account. I love your writing style; it is effortless to read, it flows and you get drawn into the story with this writing, really ten out of ten for this. Just AMAZING!
But I was very disappointed and extremely annoyed at the character Dray T'serek.
I will endeavour to explain why.
First off he has no character to speak of, no real personality, he's an excuse to make all the other people crazy with lust and make them do stupid things. While he is blissfully unaware of this, which makes it a very convenient excuse for him to do as he pleases and have no REAL consequences whatsoever.
He gets tossed from ship to ship? No real problem he's nineteen and he's better at command than Kirk and Spock put together.
He is moody. But only to such an extent that everyone has pity for him. He is sharp in that he is sharper than the scientists, probably more intelligent if I'm guessing where this story is going and he is much better than Kirk strength, wits and leader ability. Which irked me to no end.
If you want to create a new race, think them through carefully. In the whole part I read I could not see one fault in Dray T'serek.
The reason why the Vulcan's work is because they sacrificed so much in order to be who they are. They gave up emotion to prevent themselves from destroying each other. They are strong, yes and they can be vicious, but they never (or almost never) use this to their advantage.
They have faults, faults we love, but faults nonetheless.
Remember this when trying to create a new race. The way that this is going? Their race can take over the galaxy no problem, there's just no competition. It's boring, painful to read and quite frankly I'm starting to wish he'll end up in some horrible accident and suffer brain damage.
At least that would balance out the field... somewhat.
I know I'm being harsh and I give you every right to go to my story and do exactly the same to me. I won't mind, tear me a new one, but the reason I am being so harsh is so you can understand why Gary Stu's and Mary Sue's are so hated.
The dude is even more beautiful than anything in the galaxy stronger, faster, better pain endurance. He can probably look a Medusan in the eye and have no ill effects. He probably knows when spock is trying to communicate with him through telepathy and can probably resist Spock easily. If I start reading a story and I start thinking these things out loud and start rolling my eyes at certain parts in the story, then there is a big problem.
I stopped reading after he grabbed the Romulan by the neck and held him at knife point, it was too much. To tell you the truth I would have enjoyed it so much more if he was just a normal guy with everyday problems like everyone else and he just had a very strange effect on people.
I understand he is a warrior race, but so are the Klingons and they are NOT charismatic or beautiful, they suffer because they are solely warriors.
The 10/10 is not a mistake on my part I wanted to give you that, because it is my personal opinion and it is highly unfair that my opinion should damage the reputation of your story.
Like I said good solid writing style and the characters were in character, it was just that guy and because he played such a big part I just couldn't read further, it was too painful.
Good job nonetheless
Date: 02/20/2011 3:11 AM Title: The Price
>>the strong arms returned the pressure, but his mind shouted into silence, his heart beat alone. There was comfort in Spock's kiss, nothing more.
I have never before witnessed such a blatant display of perfection and for this I thank you.
Date: 02/15/2011 4:12 AM Title: Courts of Honor
I finished your ( story???) novel at 2.30 AM after and am still trying to think of what to say and/or how to say it. Superlatives are hiding their faces in shame.
Thank you times 100,000 for starts.
As do all marvelous things, after our admiring and praising and sighing replete, this tale inspires an even greater hunger--I for one am greedily and (almost) shamelessly squinting into the distance for some glance of the Wanderer....
Date: 02/14/2011 11:17 PM Title: Courts of Honor
This was a really fun story with a lot of action and a lot of insight into the characters. However, I was disappointed with the last part because I felt like one of the characters was missing: Spock. Now I'll admit it, I'm a Spock fan. It's awesome seeing Captain Kirk be, well, awesome, but something's missing for me when the Science Officer isn't pulling some sort of crazy sciency stuff out of thin air. Spock can be devious, clever, and insightful too. The only sign of that he gives is with the Crazy Beaming Stunt (which reminded me so much of STXI). Ultimately, this is not a science story, but I was sort of surprised to find out that SALEE was a bargaining chip (leading to a sort of ugly loose end--why would an officer of either fleet tolerate a privateer?). I was expecting a MacGuffin. How could Spock fail to find Dilithium on Riga? Did SALEE disable the primary sensors? This is not really explained.
My biggest problem is that during the Starbase 27 section we completely lose Spock as a character, with only the dimmest insight into his feelings. Spock has spent the entire story about 5 steps behind everyone else (& events), which is okay--he can be kind of dense sometimes. But how does Spock feel about being bonded? That has to be kind of a shock. He seems to completely check out at that point... Kirk envisions him as a little boy playing with a toy. Why isn't he trying to defend the captain (and by extension, himself)? In "Court Martial" he worked tirelessly until he found a piece of exculpatory evidence. In this story, we're told that he's messing around with the case in the background, but he accomplishes ... nothing. Slacking? Spock? Does he really not give a s*** about going to prison?
At first I was sort of perplexed that Kirk and Spock weren't cracking under the pressure (like, how perfect are these people) but I realized after a bit that Spock just seems apathetic. That's not normal, even for him. Is Spock the one who had the psychotic break? Is this what the bonding does to him? If so, not a very happy ending in my book. He seems completely lost and depressed at the very end when T'Pau confers her self-assumed burden on his shoulders, with no will to even put up a token resistance. Kirk's no help because he is willingly manipulated into pursuing the same end (because the carrot is being back in the saddle with a clean record, so why look a gift horse in the mouth). Spock is just sorry, and frankly, I'm disappointed.
I did like what became of Dia, and was intrigued by Veith. The sorrows there are simply beginning a new chapter. The pathos and the chaos were something I could really relate to.
I'm under no illusions that Tal has tamed Rho. She'll defend Veith until she can parlay that into something better. Still, it was satisfying to see her reconcile with Kirk.
Despite my frustrations with Spock as a character, the sex scenes were, indeed, really hot. Hats off because, frankly, I usually scroll through the sex scenes these days. Too many insincere, paint-by-numbers sex scenes in this fandom. Fade to black if you can't make it mean anything. I also was really glad that you didn't have them get back together and have that be the end of the story. It's the cheap and easy way to structure one of these tales, but it's rather disappointing for the reader. I enjoyed watching Kirk and Spock become more confident in their relationship with each other. I also appreciated that the story recognized that just because the crisis has passed does not mean you're finished with the consequences. (The most egregious fail of VOYAGER was not bringing the ship home for the last season, where the captain would have to answer for the choices she made and the crew would have to deal with the personal and psychological fallout of what they'd been through for the last few years.)
I'm really in awe of your use of metaphor. While the wordplay was a bit cutesy in "The Price", a stronger authorial voice emerges in "Courts of Honor", less self-conscious and precious, more communicative to the reader. The use of metaphor becomes more subtle as well.
The happy ending for Kirk seems a bit forced (though, so is the jeopardy) but I couldn't help but be reminded of the end of STIV. *happy* Also, in the interest of honesty/fairness, it behooves me to point out that Spock becoming Kirk's parasitic male (lol, look it up) does coincide with Spock's behavior in STII. Kirk screws up--but Spock forgets his place and enables him. Big mistake that costs a lot of people their lives. This is a valid interpretation of the character. (Just not one I'm fond of.)
Harnum... you have nailed the type. Sweet Schadenfreude, my friend. Wouldn't be surprised if he has a secret jones for teen male congressional pages yeomen. Something really perverted is going on behind the scenes, especially with the prurient interest he takes in everyone else's living arrangements and the uniform fetish.
Okay, my cat has just kicked me off the computer, so this will conclude my remarks. Overall, an outstanding accomplishment. Reminds me of the Vorkosigan Saga by Lois McMasters Bujold. (If you haven't heard of this series, check it out.)
Date: 02/14/2011 4:25 AM Title: Courts of Honor
"I haven't had this much sex since I was sixteen," Kirk said. "How can I keep getting hornier?"
"I have never had this much," said Spock. "There is a distinct possibility it will kill me. Are you sure this is normal?"
Okay--I don't care who you are (to coin a phrase here)--that's just funny.
Date: 02/14/2011 4:19 AM Title: Courts of Honor
What could he say to match that? How explain that only Spock's need opened the way for this endless artesian upwelling? Kirk gave his whole body and mind to the endless pleasure of kissing Spock, not going anywhere, no past, no future, just ripple on ripple of blue water rocking crescents of rust red light.
oh god, that's so beautiful
ah, what the hell: time to stop being coy. damn you, story! okay, you win!
Date: 02/14/2011 4:13 AM Title: Courts of Honor
The creature reached back, its strong talons clasping his upper arms. With all his will, Kirk clasped the monster and pulled. A knee clashed with his, a hipbone bruised his own. Soft belly skin fluttered against his belly, and the creature's organ struck at him like a club. Male, then, as anguished as himself.
Um, wow. That was hot.
Date: 02/14/2011 4:09 AM Title: Courts of Honor
rofl over the confrontation between Kirk, Spock, and Sarek. "James is asking."
Uhura's in the closet, Chekov in the head!!!!
Not sure about that last paragraph (uh, what happened?) but the sex scene with Tal was pretty cool.
Date: 02/14/2011 2:34 AM Title: Courts of Honor
Wow, Rho basically had a mental breakdown. As Kirk would say, that's extraordinary.
*smiling because so rarely do fiction writers describe these kinds of mental breaks or moments of dissociation so realistically*